Friday, July 26, 2013

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
                                                      i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-ee cummings

Few poems sum up my emotions as eloquently as this one. I've never known a love so pure. 

We are very busy right now...purchasing our first home, and adjusting to a new 'normal' with being a mommy and a nurse. I am thrilled to be working two days a week. So grateful to my husband for providing an income that allows me to work less and spend more time with our precious daughter...and so grateful to my employer for showing such flexibility and being a truly 'family friendly' establishment. 

I enjoy working, because it reminds me of my skills, and it gives me a boost of confidence when I do a good job at work. I also believe my actions speak louder than words while parenting, and showing Lilah Grace that women can work in and out of the home is a good lesson for her. Yesterday, while recovering a patient after general anesthesia, she grabbed my hands and looked at me with her very constricted pupils...and said, "You are so kind." That is another reason I enjoy working. I can contribute to my family, and also to my world, through nursing.

With that being said, there is truly nowhere I'd rather be, than in a rocking chair with my baby. I'm beyond obsessed with her. Everything she does makes my heart feel so full, it could explode right out of my chest. Her coos, her smile, her laugh. Her hair, her lips, her toes. She is the manifestation of love. She is love. She is beautiful and perfect, and I feel beyond blessed with her demeanor. She generally only cries when she needs something, and I know this is just communicating. She's so happy. She's so loving, and so cuddly. She's very social. She'd rather face out than in while being held. She loves bath time. She loves the pool. She loves to nurse, and now she smiles and looks at me while nursing. As I type, I hear her cooing on the baby monitor, and so once again, I'm going to go obsess over her...hold her, love on her, and tell her how wonderful she is. Babies can't be spoiled. This phase won't last forever. I'm soaking up every second.