January: Janelle
February: Ashton
March: Andrea
April: Allison + Annie May: Jen
June: Mallory
For the month of July, I'm proud to showcase Becky. Even though these beautiful people look like four siblings, the woman in green is actually their mother.
Becky is a close friend of my husband's family. She also has taught Lilah Grace how to swim. I absolutely love going to Becky's house, because not only does she entertain my busy 2 year old while teaching her a love of water, but she also somehow manages to have the most perfectly concocted cocktails with only the freshest of herbs as garnishes. I've always looked up to Becky and her enriching parenting tidbits, so needless to say, I wanted to share her musings on my blog. I was also excited to share musings from a mom who's already RAISED her kids. All the other moms I've interviewed for this series are in the process of raising young kids. We're still trying to figure it out. This month is unique in hearing from a seasoned mama who has been through the Terrible Twos and Torturous Teens, with grace. I discovered way more about this inspiring mama, and fell even more in love. Enjoy the inspiration!
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What’s your definition of a feminist?
A feminist is
someone who values the power of women and sexuality and difference. S/he acknowledges and celebrates the strengths
and vulnerabilities of both genders.
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Yes
Do you feel closer to whatever you call the
Higher Power since having a “feminist awakening”? Further from it? Ambivalent?
I don’t
recognize having a “feminist awakening”.
I was raised by a feminist mom and step dad, who thought themselves to
be progressive. And, in a far more
removed sense, by an overbearing male chauvinist dad and submissive step mom,
who thought themselves to be traditional.
All of those influences combined to show me the power and glory of
feminism; of respecting women (ourselves and our co-earthlings), albeit in
different ways. My mom modeled
resilience and drive, divorcing a man without a clear financial plan, knowing
she had to leave the violence and fear in order to survive, struggling her way
through grad school with 2 small girls.
(I recently toured TWU with Ian and related the stories of how my sister
and I, 8 and 10? were left on the campus to our own devices while Grandmother
attended school there during summers. We
spent the days trying not to speak aloud, and communicating only in sign language,
for fun!) My step dad gave mom equal
space in their marriage. My step mom was
dedicated to keeping her family together, as her role of mom, she was a buffer
between her kids and step kids and their dad, who was often frightening and out
of control of his rage. I see that as
feminism in its strength. She had
choices and she made them differently than many would, but in the way she saw
best to protect her kids.
Do you think feminism and spirituality are
related, or have nothing to do with one another?
I don’t see
those as related. I don’t relate to
feminism as a spirituality, but I do believe women are related to the universe
differently than men are.
What do you do and what encouraged you to
get into your line of work?
I spent 28
years as a flight attendant. I always
dreamed of it and stumbled into it when I quit college after 3-1/2 years. It became a perfect framework for raising my
own kids. It afforded me most summers
and many holidays at home, more than half the month in days off work, and the
schedule that allowed for John and me to be the ones raising our kids for the
vast majority of their days, with little need for a nanny.
Once Ian had
graduated high school I took the leap of faith of leaving that job for one that
would challenge my mind more. All (and I
do mean ALL) of my flight attendant friends thought I was crazy for leaving a
job that had reasonable pay and gave me such free time. But I craved more. The only reason not to leave was fear, so I
knew I had to model that bravery, and go.
Now I am a convention services manager at Gaylord and fight every day to
acquire the skills I need to continue moving forward. It’s a great challenge, and it’s terrifying, and
I have no regrets about my choice. I
was fortunate that John supported me fully in making the choice, never
considering the financial impact as a reason to stay put. He always put my happiness first.
What spiritual habits//practices//routines
do you incorporate into your life? How
do you bring spirituality to your family life?
One of my great
regrets is that we did not have a good stable spiritual routine or practice while
our kids were growing up. My aversion to religion blocked me from recognizing
my spirituality, and from sharing that with my kids.
Do you want your children to have the same
religious experience that you did as a child?
Definitely
NOT. My mom and step dad were “Unitarian”.
We went to church sometimes, but I
always had a weird feeling about it. My
dad shocked me once when I was a teenager by saying in reference to our family,
“We, as Christians, believe…” I had
never once heard any religious reference from him whatsoever prior to that. We never went to church with dad, and only
said prayers at my grandparents’ house. My
religious experience growing up was never a comfort to me, and wasn’t ever even
clear to me. I found it frightening,
confusing and embarrassing. I knew that
most of the families around us were “Christian”, and we were not, but I didn’t
really know what we were.
I know I have always had an opposition to
religion. I have always known that the
various religions have different dogmas, and that, in and of itself proves to
me that there can be no one true religion.
For this reason, I distrust “Religion” that teaches theirs is the truth
and the way. And all of this resulted in
me avoiding spirituality altogether, which I regret now for my kids’ sake. I didn’t
realize until much later on that I am a very spiritual person, just not
religious, and that I think those two are different, and I wish I could have
shared that with my kids when they were young.
I do now represent that to my kids, but I wish I had had the presence
and courage to go there when they were little.
What is the difference between religion and
spirituality?
Spirituality is
in our souls. Religion is
prescribed. Spirituality is the way we
relate to the universe, how we feel ourselves part of a larger importance. Religion is a set of rules, in my opinion,
designed to control people and their behavior based on fear.
What do you think happens when we die?
I really wonder. I like to believe that our souls fragment and
remain somehow. I like to believe that
my loved ones are still with me, and that I can remain with my loved ones when
I pass. I like to believe that our souls
can still be connected, even when one dies.
How do you talk to your kids about the big
questions?
If it’s a difficult
topic, I stumble along and force myself to say what I’m feeling. I tell them they don’t have to talk if they
don’t want to, but they do need to listen.
I always try to just be honest about my views on subjects I find
important. I want my kids to develop
their own sets of beliefs, and I want them to know mine. I always try to think about bringing my
information from a place of loving them endlessly and wanting to teach them
everything. I want to honor their truth
at the same time I’m providing mine.