Monday, November 21, 2011

The Proposal...

...the proposal, though hopelessly romantic and utterly perfect...pales in comparison to all that has gone unsaid. Sitting at dinner with my parents and his parents, I was a little nervous. He silently shared a wink and grin...with that dimple...and I was at ease. 
(In hindsight, there was nothing to be nervous about. Our parents are all great, and we have a lot to learn from them! I really am very grateful that we all sat and broke bread together. It made everything seem even more REAL.)

My heart flutters when I think about all that has gone unsaid...

...the first kiss after the proposal
...the way we looked at eachother in the car right after I said yes
...deciding to turn our phones on "airplane mode" and have the first couple hours of our engagement entirely to ourselves
...slow dancing in the middle of the afternoon in my loft


Hearing my phone chime over a hundred times on Friday, Nov. 18, made me smile. Each chime represented a person out in this world who was wishing support and love. Facebook has allowed us to feel support and love INSTANTLY from ALL of our family and friends ACROSS the GLOBE! What a blessing. 

My late grandmother's ring (left) and the act of changing our "relationship" on Facebook (right).

I would've picked out a vintage ring (it's more my style!), but to wear Ma's ring around my finger gets me very emotional and sentimental. George's grandparents are all alive and will be present at the ceremony. Both of my paternal grandparents will be there as well. I'm so grateful we will have them all there. However, my heart is slightly heavy, because neither of my mom's parents are with us. I feel like wearing her ring allows her to be every bit a part of this wedding. 
My late (maternal) grandparents
 John and Rose Petrilli
(Baba and Ma)

I gab online every single day. I am completely addicted to Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and in spurts, this blog. I love connecting to others in the comfort of my home, or on the go with my mobile. It's EASY. It's stimulating. I uploaded a picture of the ring on Instagram (that's how I edited the first photo above)...but I find that pictures evoke more emotion than status updates.

I thought about making the cliche status, "WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!" and I definitely thought about uploading the ring on my Facebook (especially after requests to do so!!). But I couldn't cheapen what this meant to me. A status update would run the risk of turning my feeling of pure bliss into any other status in the social media world... quickly being buried beneath the multiple status updates in the Facebook minifeed. I knew I needed time to gather my thoughts and emotions, and express my feelings and this news through writing. To put it bluntly, I didn't want "We're Engaged!" and a photo of the ring to be pictured beneath "TGIF, starting happy hour early!" or "I hate my job," (either of which I welcome on a normal day, and probably have typed myself).

Of course, the romantics have asked how and when he proposed. The planners have asked when and where the wedding will be. The traditionalists have congratulated me as "The Future Mrs. George Tinker"!!!!

How did he propose? Romantically and lovingly. Authentically and with integrity. He went to my parents the evening before and asked for their blessing. And when he proposed to me, yes, he got on one knee.

When did he propose? On our way to a formal event, when he got to introduce me as his fiance to dozens of people. It was about 10:30 AM on Friday, November 18th. In the parking lot at my job! I will ALWAYS remember that moment, and the following 24 hours! It was THE BEST DAY of my entire life. We celebrated that evening at Mi Cocina in the Dallas Galleria. I felt more lit up than the towering Christmas tree.

When will the wedding be? We are hoping for March 17th, but have lots to do before we can confirm that date. Sometime between March and May.

Where will the wedding be? We are hoping at the Van Meter family farm, but are still open to a few other options. The farm would have the most sentimental value, and I've always pictured it there, so that's where my heart is leading me at this point. With that being said, there are certain things that seem better in theory than in reality, and I'm open to exploring other venues.

I have not decided if I'm taking his last name. So, the "Future Mrs. George Tinker" might not be accurate...I don't take offense to these comments because I know they are made out of love and excitement for us. 

*Soapbox begins here. Feel free to scroll past, and remember, I am not subjecting anybody to these views! You are here, reading on your own accord! I am very grateful for each person that cares enough to read my story and I have no desire to offend, annoy, or irritate. Thanks! 

But originally after getting married, women were seen as the property of the man's. I don't know for CERTAIN that it's true, but I've heard (and until proven otherwise, I believe) "Mrs" began as "Mr's" (note the possessive apostrophe). That doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to own George, and I know he doesn't want to own or possess me! I think most people don't think about it, and go along for the sake of tradition. 

If I take his name, the only reason will be for our future family. I wouldn't want to hyphenate (let's face it, "Van Meter-Tinker" is not only too long...it also sounds ridiculous when uttered aloud). My children would all be Tinkers, and I'd be the black sheep Van Meter. I want our future family to be one solid tribe, so I might take his name if for no other reason than to unite us. I asked if he'd consider taking my last name, and the answer was a respectful "no." He said he has no problem with me keeping my name, though. A lot of men (I think) have a problem with a woman not willing to take his name. I'm glad George understands where I'm coming from.

Ultimately, my current last name is not my mother's; it is my father's. And my father's last name was his father's last name. Even my mother's maiden name was HER father's last name; not her mother's! All American mothers' last names have been lost in history because a long time ago, men had rights and women didn't. Today, we think of ourselves as equals, so I would think keeping my last name wouldn't be as big of a statement as it seems to be. 

Also, when looking at a name in writing, "Mr." does not imply if the man is married or single. Most females are "Mrs." which implies "married" or "Miss" which implies "single." Many people assume "Ms." means divorced or widowed, when in fact it is a NEUTRAL feminine term that doesn't give away her relationship status, just as "Mr" is a neutral masculine term that doesn't give away his relationship status. 

Food for thought. I'll get off the soapbox!

I'm getting very excited about the little details in the wedding. I'm already addicted to Pinterest, so the "Wedding Musings" board is currently exploding as I continue to pin ideas and inspiration pieces. But the "big picture" things are still floating around. More than anything, I want to nourish our relationship and keep us healthy, and keep us growing upward. I want to utilize this incredibly short "engagement" period as a symbolic time for us to really grow and mature as individuals, and together as one. I want our wedding day to be sacred and unique to us. More than anything, I want our wedding day to be the FIRST day of a long and healthy marriage. 

I think we are prepared for the changes that are ahead. George and I have gone through many major life events together already. We were a couple when I graduated from both high school and college. We were a couple when I started my career, and when I put in my two weeks' notice to move back to Texas. Despite being a couple for almost seven years, we have never shared a home. What am I most looking forward to...the bouquet toss, or moving into a home with this man??? Cutting a cake, or waking up every single day next to my best friend??? I cannot WAIT to be married to George. My only true hope at this point in the wedding planning process is that our wedding is an opportunity for the two of us to be genuine, authentic, and supported. Based on the support and love we have been showered with since Friday, I am confident that will be the case! 

Summers with George
Winters with George
Our most recent adventure together
Babysitting my Co-Worker's daughter (and me, photographing, playing house of course!)
Austin City Limits Festival Go'ers from 2006-2011
George has been helpful to me in so many ways
Halloweens Past
(Hank and Peggy Hill...A Witch and her Black Cat...)
I have been looking up marriage advice intermittently while I've been searching flowers and vendors...and I really like "The Art of a Good Marriage" by Wilferd Arian Peterson. Here is a small excerpt:

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,
dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.
It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

I love you, George, my handsome fiance! We're getting MARRIED!!!!


  1. I absolutely love this Lindsay!! It is perfectly said in every way! I couldn't be more excited for you and George! I am so happy there are people out there that feel the same way about marriage, as I do. Many girls I know, only think of the wedding itself, and not the meaning of marriage.

  2. Well written! Whatever you decide on your name is fine- certainly a small decision compared to the relationship itself, which, fortunately, was an easy decision for you!

  3. Thanks, Mommy! Your (and Daddy's) support has meant THE MOST to me out of any I've received. I love you!

  4. Thanks for sharing all this LVM! Love you and so happy that you are marrying your best friend!

  5. I had planned to call you tonight to get the story, and while I will be sad to miss the opportunity to speak to you, I loved reading this.

  6. Sweet Lindsay, I am so excited for you & George. Your maturity & thoughtfulness about your relationship, engagement & upcoming wedding are overwhelming to me. I love how you are working out how you feel about taking George's name. I am a child of the 60-70's so I've been down the road myself. Take this for what it's worth. I'm so glad I took Jeff's name. I don't feel I'm his property because that's not what it means to him. It means we belong to each other. We created a new family-our own family! He is proud to have me sign his name as my own. There's a respect about it. You can still be equal. Taking his name does not imply your position in the relationship.

  7. I'm so thankful that young women are still thinking about what is important to women! I'm also thankful to know you & that you are Andrea's friend. Congratulations!! With Love-Lisa (Andi's mom)

  8. Those are both mine above.
    -Lisa (Andrea's mom)

  9. ivory bird cage i like your way to represent these momments of your life with great happiness i appreciate you on these momments and hope that you remain happy all the way like birds