What's In A Name?

Probably because I am intrigued by astrology, I also am fascinated with "The Name Book," by Pierre Le Rouzie. This isn't a typical namebook with baby name suggestions...This book has an index of names, and groups of names with attached personalities.

I'm sure many people will roll their eyes and think "it's just a name..." but YOUR NAME IS HUGE! It's what you're called your entire life! There is a vibrational frequency associated with your name. There is an element, mineral, plant, sign, and color associated with your name. I am so interested in the PERSONALITY TYPES that go with certain names.

This book was loaned to me by my mother-in-law, and I remember looking through it ad-nauseum during the pregnancy, wondering if our daughter would be "Ardyn,"(Tranquil Prophet) "Everleigh," (Radiant Lily) or "Lilah" (Intriguing Empress).

Lilah Grace helped choose her name. We waited until she was born, and called her each name. When she stopped crying after "Lilah Grace," we believed she recognized her name, and that was what she wanted to be called.

I thought I'd share certain projected personality types that this book says she will have...and for validation, include the personality types for "Lindsay" and "George". I'd be happy to share with any of you, as well...just comment/message me on Facebook/call me, if you're curious. I have looked up my family members and best friends, and think it is uncanny how accurate this theory is!

LILAH. 

INTRIGUING EMPRESS. 

element//air

mineral//copper

plant//laurel rose

sign//aquarius

color//orange

You have a fine sensitivity, combined with a reassuring calmness....Essentially, you are an introvert...though it is important to you that others understand you....In any sort of power struggle, you retain your confidence and, once you have moved upward or been victorious, you will not abandon your triumph but make use of it for the next step in life....Your intuition is of the highest order, well-organized and reliable...and from this side of your nature springs your irresistible beauty and charm. When it comes to your deep, intuitive side, there is something of the enchantress about you. You have an analytic mind and are an excellent observer. Your observations and your analyses run deep, calling your intuitive powers into play when need be. 

LINDSAY.

THE THINKER.

element//earth

mineral//hematite

plant//garlic

sign//capricorn

color//yellow

(my husband is a capricorn, and my aura is yellow. i'm also italian, and LOVE garlic. hehehe.)

You are reflective and sensitive....Your mind is ruminative and your personality dreamy...Although your emotions are strong, you efface them with your mental thought processes....your self confidence suffers from your excessive self-examination...When you do make a decision, you become dedicated to its execution with a great deal of tenacity....You tend to be highly intuitive, imaginative, and creative....Your mind is much more concerned with meaning and depth than details. For that reason, the study of philosophy, psychology, or medicine, suits you. Finally, as a writer/artist/musician...you could find fame due to your original in-depth way of looking at the world...You tend to hold things inside and hang onto disappointments long after they're over...You prefer small gatherings to large groups of people, and serious conversation is particularly to your liking.

GEORGE.

SENTIMENTAL SERMONIZER.

element//fire

mineral//uranium

plant//olive tree

sign//aries

color//yellow

Above all, you are a man of profound sentiments. There is the great romantic in you, and you are keenly attuned to human suffering.... Always quick to deliver your opinions and convictions verbally...your profession must call upon your verbal abilities. A career in journalism/education/sales/politics is a possibility for you. Whatever your vocation, however, you will probably choose it not so much out of a direct decision, but as events in your life dictate. Once you are in a profession, your work will go smoothly and you will not in reality want very seriously to leave it. You possess an astonishing intuition, with a direct, seemingly magical vision of the world. Your attractiveness is found in your deeper self-in your sensitive and romantic soul....your inner awareness can be a very dynamic source of inspiration for you in the world....Your feelings are powerful and passionate at one moment, and soothing and calm the next. With the right person, you can open and blossom and return her affections....It is extremely important that you establish a nutritious diet and get enough sleep and fresh air....Though you may have a lot of friends and acquaintances, most likely there is only a small and devoted circle with whom you are at your relaxed best.

Apparently, the common denominator in my little family is our intuition. I think that's really important. I'm so grateful for my precious family, and for the affirmations this book has provided regarding personality types with names! Again, let me know if you want to know yours, and I will share!!!

xoxo,

L

Musings from a Pro-Choice Preggo.

I remember when the ideological debate of "pro-life/pro-choice" was based on abortion. But now, at 8 months pregnant, I have found myself being asked constantly where I'm going to deliver, who my OBGYN is, what my birthplan is, and when I'm returning to work.

If we are going to continue to defend the right to "choose pregnancy," we must, COLLECTIVElY as women, encompass the choices made throughout the journey.

It starts with the two pink lines. 

(actually, it starts with the woman choosing a contraceptive that is best for her... and if she wants to start a family, choosing to go without...then, consenting to a mutually beneficial and healthy sexual relationship...but I digress)

Two pink lines.

If the woman chooses to continue with pregnancy, she then makes decisions, every day, throughout the pregnancy, that are best for her. Food. Exercise. Alcohol (or lack thereof). Midwife/OB-GYN. Increase hours at work (more money) or decrease hours at work (less stress). We can say she 'ought' to choose what's best for the baby, but the moment we do that, we start making choices for the woman, and begin to undermine her ability to choose for herself. And when it comes to money, society ought to be sensitive when it comes to saying what one 'should' do. Often, the individual directly involved wishes they could do the same thing! But many women don't have choices (re: working/staying at home, insurance coverage, etc), based on their financial situation. 

Once she is in the third trimester, she begins to solidify a plan for getting that baby out! And so begins my rant...

...The Business of Being Born is one of my favorite documentaries, EVER. I loved all four follow-up episodes, too. I've read 3 of Ina May Gaskin (legendary midwife)'s books, and am actually going TO THE FARM in two days. Based on this paragraph, one would think I'm going to have a natural birth at ALL COSTS. And that probably includes a typed up "birth plan" to hand to the team that will help catch the baby, with strict rules of how it is to go down (This RN will not have "that plan," because I know what nurses say at the nursing station, and I refuse to be that patient. After 9 months of planning with my midwife and husband, I will trust the process and hope my choices are honored without feeling the need to be a control-freak.)

But that's not me.

I'm going to have a hospital birth, because our biggest stressor throughout the entire pregnancy is MONEY, and I am SO blessed to be covered by my mom's insurance plan until the end of May (thank you, President Obama). The insurance plan covers hospital births, but not birthing centers or home births. The cost difference is in the THOUSANDS of dollars. It was a no-brainer. I was thrilled to find a midwife in a group of OB-GYNS, and I have really enjoyed my time with her, and trust her completely.

The single most important factor in ensuring women have a CHOICE and a VOICE, is education. We have to have factual information, without a bias, to form our own opinions. 

If a woman only utilizes her OB-GYN as a resource, she will inevitably have biased information that makes the hospital look like a knight in shining armor, saving countless lives. If she only reads natural birth books/blogs, she will see the hospital as a money-hungry demon trying to push her on the table for a c-section. 

The truth is probably somewhere in between. I've definitely formed my own opinion, and I feel reluctant to even share it with the internet, because people (especially women) are SO quick to judge other women's opinions. Which is just SO IRONIC to me. Usually the same women who are 'pro choice' are liberal, more granola, and 'pro natural birth,' and sometimes....these women can be the most egotistical, condescending, competitive women out there (not to mention, these women can also be very insensitive toward women in third world countries who would do anything to have drugs/doctors to help them with birth. And saying "women in Africa squat and have babies all the time," also belittles the women around the world having babies naturally that don't CHOOSE this birth method, but rather, have no other choice. And yes, I have heard that phrase multiple times). 

I understand the desire to have a natural birth for spiritual reasons, and to feel a natural experience that all other mammals experience without the help of drugs...but if the motivating factor behind natural birth is to brag or belittle other women, the choice has then become quite shallow and petty. 

On the contrary, women who have scheduled c-sections, or who beg to be induced early, might just be missing out on an experience worth having, to feel inheritantly FEMALE and MAMMAL. And I wonder how many women out there never had that choice, based on medical issues or infertility issues (or who knows what), and would have given anything for the experience. But at the end of the day, if a woman doesn't WANT to have a natural birth, we, as women, ought to support her right to CHOOSE. 

The same goes for breastfeeding. I have my own opinion on this also (go figure, I have an opinion...)! We know breast feeding is better for the baby, and has countless benefits for mothers. But those breasts belong to the WOMAN. Not her baby, not her partner, not her doctor/midwife. THE WOMAN. And the moment another person casts judgment on her for not doing something with her breasts...they fall under the same category as a person who casts judgment on a woman who has an abortion...

I suppose, ideally, every woman would have spiritually-transformative, natural births, and breastfeed, and raise civilized, respectful, well-mannered children. Ideally, all women would be educated on the medicalization of birth (and the unnecessary procedures that occur for convenience and profit), and while we're at it, ideally, there would never be a NEED for hospitalized births. But sometimes, there is. And we ought to be grateful we have hospitals in that time of need. Ideally, all women would be educated on the benefits of breast-feeding, and would find the act both nurturing and bonding.

But that's not reality. It's not even CLOSE to reality. And I think what matters more than casting judgments, or being a Google Expert, is trusting other women's ability to make decisions for themselves. 

(*SIDENOTE....I think it's safe to say MOST women know the benefits of breast-feeding, but MOST women have to work shortly after having their babies, and MOST employers don't provide a place (nor time) to pump. So, MOST women dry up early and lose their milk supply. Which is not only emotionally devastating, but also financially burdening, as now formula is an added expense. A lack of mandatory paid maternity leave is prohibiting choice for most women. That's a WHOLE OTHER BLOGPOST....)

So anyway, I'm going to THE FARM in two days. And I can't WAIT. My dreams are ((literally)) coming true. And I'll probably be on a HUGE natural birth kick when I come back. But my underlying value, more so than natural birth, is freedom of choice. And that won't change! So choose on, fellow preggos! Choose what's best for YOU! And women out there, EMBRACE one another! On the many choices we make, everyday! On choosing to be single, or married! Choosing to have families, or choosing to focus on careers! We are living in 2013, and we are SO LUCKY to have choices. Our great grandmothers never had these opportunities, so we should ENJOY THE JOURNEY OF CHOICE!

xoxo,
L

The Merge Between Feminism and Beauty

I work full time as a registered nurse in the operating room of a plastic surgery center. I've been working in cosmetic surgery for almost four years. Working in an industry where surgical body modifications is a "norm" pushed me outside of my comfort zone and into a feminist group while I lived in Norman, Oklahoma. When I moved back to Texas a few years ago, I started one of my own.

The Denton Women's Collective accepting a Certificate of Appreciation from the mayor of Flower Mound

If somebody didn't know me very well, they might question how I could be passionate about women's issues while assisting in altering women's bodies for a living.

First and foremost, I must say, I prefer working in a plastic surgery center as compared to my previous experience in a cosmetic surgery center. Plastic surgery includes reconstructive surgery, and cosmetic surgery is entirely elective. Most of our patients are cosmetic/elective procedures, but it is refreshing to have patients who have battled (and defeated) breast cancer. We also work with patients who have 2nd and 3rd degree burns, and children with birth defects. My favorite charity, Smile Train, operates on children in 3rd world countries with cleft palate, and it is one of my lifelong goals to go on a mission with them one day. Until then, I continue to support them monetarily.

With that disclaimer being stated, most of our patients are healthy, happy, and wanting a change in their appearance. Many people are open about the "work they've had done" and consider cosmetic surgery and/or aesthetic treatments a status symbol, similar to the car they drive or the purse they carry. Other people are judgmental of the industry, and assume it is an industry saturated with vain and superficial people.

I think I fall somewhere in between...

The reality is, unless you don't wear make-up, have never colored your hair, have zero tattoos, zero piercings, don't work out, don't take supplements, and have basically NEVER altered your appearance from your natural state of being...YOU have participated in a form of body modification. My question is, what's the driving force of your body modification? Is it a significant other that has encouraged you to alter a part of your image? Do you alter your appearance because you have a competitive nature and want to look better than somebody else? Do you wear a certain make-up because a celebrity you admire is the spokesperson for that particular brand? Have you been brainwashed by an industry that is degrading to women? (Think...Victoria Secret Fashion Show...and don't get me wrong, I love me some PINK! sweatpants, but seriously, that show is HORRIBLE for the average woman's self esteem!)

(Thought I'd throw in a pic of the VS models without make-up...and to be honest, I STILL THINK THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL!!!!!)

Or, do you just feel more confident when you look your best? Do you feel a NEED to alter your appearance, or a DESIRE? Do you like the person you see when you look in the mirror? There is a major difference between an ENHANCEMENT and a total CHANGE.

Many mothers have endured extreme changes to their bodies after carrying and nursing babies. There is a major difference between an 18 year old girl wanting breast implants to be a "D cup" and a 40 year old mother wanting a tummy tuck because despite a healthy diet and exercise, her abdominal muscles will never be reattached at the midline, and her loose skin will never go away without a surgical incision. Who is to judge the woman who gave up her body for her children, altering an image she sees in the mirror, which in turn psychologically alters her identity??? I'm not saying the 18 year old breast augmentation is any less deserving of the surgery, but I am saying the REASONS behind the surgery are without doubt, completely different. Another thing to keep in mind, is that a surgical modification is PERMANENT. If you wouldn't get a tattoo at 18 because you think "it might not be cool at age 80," ask yourself if you are sure you want the surgery!!!!! And also keep in mind that MOST implants need replacing in 7-10 years (saline) or 15-20 years (silicone), and you might have a different set of priorities at that point in your life. Be an EDUCATED consumer.

Many women purchase night creams and anti-wrinkle creams for their eyes, but cast judgment upon women who get BOTOX or other dermal fillers. Why? Don't both serve the same purpose? There might be slightly more pain (about a "2" on a 0-10 pain scale, lasting about 2 seconds), but without question, the BOTOX and fillers are more effective.

If you have purchased a shampoo that is "anti-frizz" and your hair naturally has some frizz, why did you want to change that about yourself? If it's to make yourself feel more beautiful, to enhance a positive self-image, and to feel confident, then more power to you. But if you're the type to cast stones at somebody who can afford a Keratin hair treatment, my feeling is you are judgmental out of jealousy, not righteousness.

There IS a problem, however, when somebody can't afford a phone bill or the rent, and they are getting their nails done, hair done, and countless other beauty treatments. But if priorities are in line, and the person can afford to look their very best, why do we have a tendency to bash other women for "what they've had done"?

I've heard many women (myself at times included) say "yes, she's pretty, but she just looks so fake." Well, some people definitely over-do it. The "Snookie tan" mixed with 3 inch long acrylic nails, caked-on make-up, breasts falling out of a shirt, and false lashes falling into their eyes in my HUMBLE opinion is not an attractive look. Or at least not one that I would want to have....but if we really want to empower women, we need to start by being less judgmental toward one another. I think that starts by looking within and being honest with ourselves.

But the awesome thing is, BEAUTY is not HOMOGENEOUS. Some people prefer blondes, some prefer brunettes. Some prefer thin eyebrows, some prefer thick. Some prefer fair skin, some prefer tan skin. We each define beauty for ourselves. We CAN'T let society dictate what "beautiful" means. Nor can we can't let our PARTNERS or our FRIENDS dictate what "beautiful" means. We have to individually decide what looks beautiful to us. That might be the "Snookie" look, for Snookie at least...and that's OK. It's also ok (and empowering to me!) for somebody to pass on beauty treatments, because they feel beautiful without anything! I think it's AWESOME when women don't wear make-up or get all fancy to go to the grocery store...it's like they have nothing to prove. But I highly doubt they've never put on lotion for dry skin...or never straightened their hair for a special occasion.

I see no harm in the cosmetic surgery world, when it is used for the right reasons, with people who can afford it, and with the will power and self discipline to limit themselves to a few treatments. The danger is when somebody starts down a slippery slope and wants every procedure offered, and no longer resembles a refreshed version of themselves. If you look in the mirror and you see somebody you psychologically identify with, you are beautiful and empowered. I think we need to do a better job, AS WOMEN, empowering other women and judging a little bit less.

xoxo,
L

Wedding Update...

Well, I've made some progress! A HUGE thank you to my parents for looking at venues while I was back at work this week. That made all the difference in the world. Even though I have made the intention to have a more low-key wedding, there is so much involved, and there is an order to the madness. I couldn't really do much until I knew where and when the wedding would take place.

I initially wanted to get married on the Van Meter family farm, but that is no longer a possibility due to natural gas drilling. I was disappointed and took a few weeks away from the wedding planning to restructure my vision. I knew we wanted it to be an outdoor wedding, sentimental, and unique. White Rock Lake has all of those elements to offer, and more. Fortunately, in the event of rain, we will have an indoor accommodation! We booked the last available Saturday and pushed the date up from April 28 to March 24th. That is 4 days before our 7 year "dating" anniversary. I really like the way the date looks, and have had fun envisioning this as our new anniversary.

03-24-2012

We are taking our engagement photos with Stephanie Rose tomorrow (OMG) at the Van Meter family farm, to tie it in to our wedding. I am so excited to have Stephanie as our photographer. She is so talented!!!! I also am thrilled we can incorporate the farm into our wedding with this session! The drilling won't start until March, and when we saw that Saturday would be a beautiful, clear, sunny day in the 60's...we thought we better take it while we have it! This is definitely one of the more fun aspects of wedding planning! Less structure, more creativity. I'm very excited.

I applied for our marriage license this week. That was very exciting! I had to double check a few things with George...which despite some obvious sarcasm, hit on a real issue.

L: "And also: birth city, county, are u already married? And u are a man right"
G: "(address). born in dallas county (not sure which city) Not married. Am a man."
L: "...We are not related right"
G: "Correct."

This made me even more aware of the discrimination for monogamous homosexual couples. I just do not understand why this is a legal issue. It's not that I am gay (obviously) or even that I'm condoning marriage between homosexual couples in a church (though I can't say it makes a difference to me)...this is a legal document that has nothing to do with religion. This online document is through Tarrant County in the State of Texas. The sole purpose of this document is for registration and tax purposes.

I'm not ANGRY with people who disagree with my stance; I simply do not understand the opinion. If you don't want a gay marriage, don't have one. If you don't want guns, don't purchase them. If you don't want to drink alcohol, don't consume. What's the difference? I would understand if the argument was about bringing this into the churches...because we need a separation between church and state. I would understand (though I would not necessarily agree) if it was about respecting, honoring, and protecting the sanctity of marriage...

However, if people like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries can marry and divorce within 72 days...

 And people like these beneath this text can marry and divorce within one year...

...I need a reminder on why we think marriage is currently being respected and upheld between heterosexual couples? Granted, these are those in the limelight. But the divorce rate is 50% regardless of fame.

It's not our job to police relationships. It's not our job to decide who's love is "worthy of recognition," either. My heart goes out to the committed, monogamous, loving, and faithful homosexual couples out there. I recognize your relationship as I type these words, and I hope on some level, you know that there are people out there just like me who know it's a matter of time until all Americans are treated equally. I believe this to be the "civil rights" issue of my generation. I truly do not think this will be discussed in the next 30 years, and I hope that my children are just as shocked by the treatment of this community as I was to hear about the treatment of African Americans during segregation. 

Click here, listen, and pray (or if that's not for you, then HOPE) for equality for ALL Americans.

"Come senators, congressmen

                                                                    Please heed the call

Don't stand in the doorway

Don't block up the hall

For he that gets hurt

Will be he who has stalled

There's a battle outside, And it is ragin'

It'll soon shake your windows

And rattle your walls

For the times they are a-changin'."

-Bob Dylan

The Proposal...

...the proposal, though hopelessly romantic and utterly perfect...pales in comparison to all that has gone unsaid. Sitting at dinner with my parents and his parents, I was a little nervous. He silently shared a wink and grin...with that dimple...and I was at ease. 

(In hindsight, there was nothing to be nervous about. Our parents are all great, and we have a lot to learn from them! I really am very grateful that we all sat and broke bread together. It made everything seem even more REAL.)

My heart flutters when I think about all that has gone unsaid...

...the first kiss after the proposal

...the way we looked at eachother in the car right after I said yes

...deciding to turn our phones on "airplane mode" and have the first couple hours of our engagement entirely to ourselves

...slow dancing in the middle of the afternoon in my loft

*****************************************************************

Hearing my phone chime over a hundred times on Friday, Nov. 18, made me smile. Each chime represented a person out in this world who was wishing support and love. Facebook has allowed us to feel support and love INSTANTLY from ALL of our family and friends ACROSS the GLOBE! What a blessing. 

My late grandmother's ring (left) and the act of changing our "relationship" on Facebook (right).

I would've picked out a vintage ring (it's more my style!), but to wear Ma's ring around my finger gets me very emotional and sentimental. George's grandparents are all alive and will be present at the ceremony. Both of my paternal grandparents will be there as well. I'm so grateful we will have them all there. However, my heart is slightly heavy, because neither of my mom's parents are with us. I feel like wearing her ring allows her to be every bit a part of this wedding. 

My late (maternal) grandparents
 John and Rose Petrilli
(Baba and Ma)

I gab online every single day. I am completely addicted to Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and in spurts, this blog. I love connecting to others in the comfort of my home, or on the go with my mobile. It's EASY. It's stimulating. I uploaded a picture of the ring on Instagram (that's how I edited the first photo above)...but I find that pictures evoke more emotion than status updates.

I thought about making the cliche status, "WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!" and I definitely thought about uploading the ring on my Facebook (especially after requests to do so!!). But I couldn't cheapen what this meant to me. A status update would run the risk of turning my feeling of pure bliss into any other status in the social media world... quickly being buried beneath the multiple status updates in the Facebook minifeed. I knew I needed time to gather my thoughts and emotions, and express my feelings and this news through writing. To put it bluntly, I didn't want "We're Engaged!" and a photo of the ring to be pictured beneath "TGIF, starting happy hour early!" or "I hate my job," (either of which I welcome on a normal day, and probably have typed myself).

Of course, the romantics have asked how and when he proposed. The planners have asked when and where the wedding will be. The traditionalists have congratulated me as "The Future Mrs. George Tinker"!!!!

How did he propose? Romantically and lovingly. Authentically and with integrity. He went to my parents the evening before and asked for their blessing. And when he proposed to me, yes, he got on one knee.

When did he propose? On our way to a formal event, when he got to introduce me as his fiance to dozens of people. It was about 10:30 AM on Friday, November 18th. In the parking lot at my job! I will ALWAYS remember that moment, and the following 24 hours! It was THE BEST DAY of my entire life. We celebrated that evening at Mi Cocina in the Dallas Galleria. I felt more lit up than the towering Christmas tree.

When will the wedding be? We are hoping for March 17th, but have lots to do before we can confirm that date. Sometime between March and May.

Where will the wedding be? We are hoping at the Van Meter family farm, but are still open to a few other options. The farm would have the most sentimental value, and I've always pictured it there, so that's where my heart is leading me at this point. With that being said, there are certain things that seem better in theory than in reality, and I'm open to exploring other venues.

I have not decided if I'm taking his last name. So, the "Future Mrs. George Tinker" might not be accurate...I don't take offense to these comments because I know they are made out of love and excitement for us. 

*Soapbox begins here. Feel free to scroll past, and remember, I am not subjecting anybody to these views! You are here, reading on your own accord! I am very grateful for each person that cares enough to read my story and I have no desire to offend, annoy, or irritate. Thanks! 

But originally after getting married, women were seen as the property of the man's. I don't know for CERTAIN that it's true, but I've heard (and until proven otherwise, I believe) "Mrs" began as "Mr's" (note the possessive apostrophe). That doesn't sit well with me. I don't want to own George, and I know he doesn't want to own or possess me! I think most people don't think about it, and go along for the sake of tradition. 

If I take his name, the only reason will be for our future family. I wouldn't want to hyphenate (let's face it, "Van Meter-Tinker" is not only too long...it also sounds ridiculous when uttered aloud). My children would all be Tinkers, and I'd be the black sheep Van Meter. I want our future family to be one solid tribe, so I might take his name if for no other reason than to unite us. I asked if he'd consider taking my last name, and the answer was a respectful "no." He said he has no problem with me keeping my name, though. A lot of men (I think) have a problem with a woman not willing to take his name. I'm glad George understands where I'm coming from.

Ultimately, my current last name is not my mother's; it is my father's. And my father's last name was his father's last name. Even my mother's maiden name was HER father's last name; not her mother's! All American mothers' last names have been lost in history because a long time ago, men had rights and women didn't. Today, we think of ourselves as equals, so I would think keeping my last name wouldn't be as big of a statement as it seems to be. 

Also, when looking at a name in writing, "Mr." does not imply if the man is married or single. Most females are "Mrs." which implies "married" or "Miss" which implies "single." Many people assume "Ms." means divorced or widowed, when in fact it is a NEUTRAL feminine term that doesn't give away her relationship status, just as "Mr" is a neutral masculine term that doesn't give away his relationship status. 

Food for thought. I'll get off the soapbox!

I'm getting very excited about the little details in the wedding. I'm already addicted to Pinterest, so the "Wedding Musings" board is currently exploding as I continue to pin ideas and inspiration pieces. But the "big picture" things are still floating around. More than anything, I want to nourish our relationship and keep us healthy, and keep us growing upward. I want to utilize this incredibly short "engagement" period as a symbolic time for us to really grow and mature as individuals, and together as one. I want our wedding day to be sacred and unique to us. More than anything, I want our wedding day to be the FIRST day of a long and healthy marriage. 

I think we are prepared for the changes that are ahead. George and I have gone through many major life events together already. We were a couple when I graduated from both high school and college. We were a couple when I started my career, and when I put in my two weeks' notice to move back to Texas. Despite being a couple for almost seven years, we have never shared a home. What am I most looking forward to...the bouquet toss, or moving into a home with this man??? Cutting a cake, or waking up every single day next to my best friend??? I cannot WAIT to be married to George. My only true hope at this point in the wedding planning process is that our wedding is an opportunity for the two of us to be genuine, authentic, and supported. Based on the support and love we have been showered with since Friday, I am confident that will be the case! 

Summers with George

Winters with George

2005-2011

Our most recent adventure together

Babysitting my Co-Worker's daughter (and me, photographing, playing house of course!)

Austin City Limits Festival Go'ers from 2006-2011

George has been helpful to me in so many ways

Halloweens Past
(Hank and Peggy Hill...A Witch and her Black Cat...)

I have been looking up marriage advice intermittently while I've been searching flowers and vendors...and I really like "The Art of a Good Marriage" by Wilferd Arian Peterson. Here is a small excerpt:

It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal,

dependence is mutual and the obligation is reciprocal.

It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.

I love you, George, my handsome fiance! We're getting MARRIED!!!!

The Wonder Years

Few shows have stood the test of time like The Wonder Years. Thanks to a once-a-scam-but-the-guy-got-a-conscience EBay purchase, my mom bought all of the episodes years ago on DVD. Recently, NetFlix put all of the episodes up online. It's so much easier to sit in bed and stream the episodes rather than getting up and changing the DVDs, so needless to say, I've been on a Wonder Years BINGE the past week.


I've seen every episode, literally, more than once. However, watching them now, I already feel like I have a different perspective than the last time I watched the show. Kevin Arnold, the lead character, plays an All American boy growing up from around 1968-1973. The grown man Kevin Arnold reflects back on his adolescence, and narrates each episode. Listening to the narration, I feel that he is describing what he knows now, and didn't necessarily know then. Watching it as an adult, I feel like it's giving me my own adult perspective on many random events that happen in an adolescent's life.


I love the "Math" episodes, when Kevin starts a new class hating his mean math teacher. After a few episodes, Kevin begins to appreciate him. The teacher took a special interest in helping Kevin. Then, toward the end of the season, the teacher dies. Kevin had previously been a smart-ass on his last test, with answers like "So what?!" and "What gives?!"....the teacher "misplaced" the test and Kevin is given another opportunity to take the test after discovering the passing of the math teacher. 


This episode always chokes me up! The ending of "Goodbye"





I love the innocence and purity of Kevin's relationship with Winnie Cooper, the girl next door. She ends up moving and going to a different school, but Kevin's feelings remain constant, even as he dates other girls. The episode, "The Accident," evokes tears everytime! In fact, I REMEMBER a closing shift at the Library while I was in Oklahoma, when the bartender and I were talking about this episode, went to the back on the computer, watched this scene (adding to the 198,000 views), and CRIED prior to going back to our restaurant duties...

"The Accident" Ending...Winnie gets in a car accident with older boys, Kevin comes to her window

I love the complexities between Karen, Kevin's older hippie sister, and Jack, the stern and stubborn father.

Jack Talking to the First Boy (AIDEN! from SATC!) Karen Brings Home

Jack Talking to Karen and her New Live-In Boyfriend (Ross Gellar!)

Jack's Birthday Dinner Night

Watching the show, I feel like the major shift that was occurring in the last 60s is occurring again today. With the exception of technology (and that is one huge exception....even the way I'm delivering my point of view is only an option based on that exception!), I don't think much has changed between that generation and mine. The clashing of morals and values. The common denominator being family. 


Math teachers still annoy students. Boys and girls still have crushes on eachother. First borns still question their parents' way of thinking. Not much has changed. But watching this show, hearing an adult perspective on these subtle life events...it's a sort of healing therapy. God bless the creator of this show! It's pure genius. And THANK YOU, NETFLIX, for making it so easy to watch.

Stages of Religious Development.

I've started reading a book entitled, "Finding Your Religion" by Rev. Scotty McLennan. So far, I have found it fascinating. The introduction explains that while the average adult is familiar with developmental stages, we are not as familiar, nor open, to religious stages.

Freud and Erikson's Developmental Stages

This author presents the idea that we evolve, grow, and mature, religiously as well. I found myself not only relating to the stages, but also looking forward to the stages that are ahead of me. These stages cross all religious borders; they are applicable to every religion.

STAGE ONE: "MAGIC"

"All-Powerful God" 

Photo Source: http://whadawethink.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/god.jpg

This is when the child thinks that God can protect them from the monsters in their closet...God is powerful, and magical.

"Is your world full of spirits and demons? Do you think God makes everything happen, for good and bad?"

STAGE TWO: "REALITY"

"Cause-And-Effect God"

This reality stage usually sets in around the age of six. This is when the child thinks "If I ask God to help me pass the test, I will." 

"Are scriptures true in a concrete and literal sense, rather than being stories that may or may not be real?"

STAGE THREE: "DEPENDENCE"

"God the Parent"

Photo Source: http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/13/1345/SJ2S000Z/posters/vasnetsov-victor-mikhailovich-savaoph-god-the-father-1885-96.jpg

Usually around adolescence, teens go back and forth between the "dependence" and "independence" stages. The "Parental God" can serve as a source of comfort for teens who are afraid to go to their parents, or view their parents' love as conditional. Feeling unconditional love from a father figure is a necessity for many teens. Simultaneously, teens that are experimenting with things that they wouldn't want a parent to know about, often slip in and out of a relationship with a "Distant God," but typically go back to the "idealized parent" in stage three.

"Do you have a very important peer group or leader who is primarily responsible for shaping your faith? Is your main image of God that of a perfect parent? Is it important to you to understand and follow religious doctrine and moral rules?"

STAGE FOUR: "INDEPENDENCE"

"Distant God"

Photo Source: http://charisshaolm.fjministries.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/human-space-universe-cosmos.jpg

Usually around the age of sixteen and through early adulthood, people tend to feel God as more of a distant being. The author states this is a common time for the individual to express, "I'm spiritual, but I'm not religious." Some people, such as Thomas Jefferson and Voltaire, become deists in this phase. They feel that God is like a clock-maker, but their life and this world is a clock. The person in this phase can relate to God being "energy," and "the force," but not a being typical of intervening in human's lives, or capable of performing miracles. 

"Is your spiritual life unique and personal? Do you think of God primarily as an impersonal force or spirit (or as nonexistent)?"

*MANY ADULTS, according to Rev. Scotty McLennan, do not reach this stage. Typically, if it is reached, it is in the thirties or forties. *

STAGE FIVE: "INTERDEPENDENCE"

"Paradoxical God"

Old traditions now hold new power. The individual at one time took Communion believing it was the Body of Christ. They since have either not been to church in some time, or when they take it, only do so for the sake of society; it no longer held symbolic meaning. At this stage, the individual can realize the paradox of God. They can read scriptures at the "literal, allegorical, historical, conceptual, poetic, and inspirational levels." These people are open to dialogue between different religions and traditions. 

"Do you find a spiritual community important to you at the same time that you maintain your own distinctive faith? Do you experience spiritual power in symbols and myths that you can also analyze objectively? Do you conceive God as both person and as an impersonal force?"

STAGE SIX: "UNITY"

"All-Pervasive God"

This stage is also known as "enlightenment." Most adults to not experience this stage. If they do, they typically do briefly, and slide back to stage five.

"Do you sense yourself in community with religiously committed people of any and all traditions? Is your consciousness ego-free and beyond paradox and ambiguity? Do you often feel that God or divine spirit is in everything and that everything exists in God or divine spirit?"

I find these phases fascinating. I can't wait to dive deeper in this book, and in my own religious maturation.