Sunday, January 20, 2013

I Can't Get Enough Of...

Well...my life has been in absolute CHAOS lately and I have had a few meltdowns. I have always hated being dismissed as "hormonal," whether before my pregnancy or now, in my 25th week. I usually hold it together, and if I have a melt down, it's because of the circumstances, and in my opinion, they are VALID.

As my body grows and I feel Sweet Baby move all the time, I feel a mix of emotions. Most days I have felt blissful and connected to Baby and Earth, as well as Mothers everywhere. However, the past few days I have felt like she will be here before we know it, and we don't have our lives in order for her arrival just yet! I'm sure she won't mind, being a little newborn with basic needs...but Mama WILL MIND! I want her to have my undivided time and attention, and if she were here now, I'd have some major separation anxiety with all of my commitments.

Lately, my stressors have been: lack of money, lack of time, and lack of energy. I know I need to focus on what I have in abundance, not what I'm lacking. 

So to balance out this post, I will be positive and say I have the BEST support network, including my husband, and the Van Meter unit (Mommy, Daddy, and Bud). My extended network is also incredible, and includes Al, one of my favorite people out there. He always makes me feel special, makes me laugh, and HELPS FIX OUR CARS! At the best rate in town!!

I also have amazing friends. I'm sad that my best friend at work won't be there tomorrow. I miss her so much already. But I am fortunate in that I have life long friends around the corner, and though I'm limited in time, we do manage to see each other regularly.

I'm trying to stay centered, breathe, and remain calm. There are a few things that help me with this:

Being Home. Specifically, in BED.

The occasional morning when I don't wake up at 5:00 AM, I feel a SURGE of peace and calm. I NEED more mornings like that. When I wake up without an alarm clock, make some breakfast quinoa and French Press coffee, and enjoy time with G, I feel better for the ENTIRE DAY. 

Lighting and Things That Smell GOOD.

This was one hell of a housewarming gift from my brother-in-law and his girlfriend. I absolutely love turning off the lights (especially since it gets dark SO early) and utilizing lamps in the house. I want to actually bring our lamps to the birth, so I can avoid fluorescent bulbs and feel that sense of 'calm' when I labor.
As usual, the Volcano candle by Aspen Bay is a constant in our home. The smell works as effectively as any aromatherapy (for me, anyway).

This oil diffuser was an amazing wedding gift from my friend Whitney and her mom. I love the smell of lavender and how the globe changes color with different chimes. The Relax tea helps too, of course. The alarm clock? Not so much. NOT my friend.

 Food. I Have Gained 30 pounds and I Have No Shame. 

Food is one of my ONLY indulgences, and I AM NOT HOLDING BACK.

Reading and Daydreaming.
At the beginning of the pregnancy, I read "Why Have Kids" by Jessica Valenti and "Misconceptions" by Naomi Wolf. These were some of THE BEST BOOKS I've ever read. THESE are the kind of books I'm into. "What To Expect When You're Expecting" is WAY too much of a "How-To" read. I'm into the spiritual, psychological, and sociological aspects of birth and parenting, not so much the logistics. I'll get there...maybe.

I quickly finished "Skinny Bitch Bun in the Oven" (all about a vegan diet in pregnancy...which I HAVE NOT ADHERED TO but do find interesting) and am currently obsessed with "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May Gaskin. I had an actual dream about meeting Ina May at The Farm, and have not been able to stop day dreaming since. 

As a result of aforementioned day dreams, I have thought about how George and I could take one last roadtrip before the baby comes. We have been on two memorable roadtrips, one that had no set destination (but included Ruidoso and Marfa) and of course, our Honeymoon from San Fran up to Seattle.

Thinking about the hummingbirds on the porch of the gorgeous cabin we stayed in for the Tinker Family Reunion, and knowing that during that calm, beautiful, loving time in the beautiful mountains, we made a baby...thinking back on that makes me feel calm. So often, I daydream about our most recent Ruidoso trip, and try to allow that sense of calm to flood over me so Baby can feel it and remember why she came to us.

Oh, and the last thing I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF?
Deep breathing.


Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Farm, Ina May, and Edward Sharpe. Also Known As: THE BEST DREAM EVER.

Usually when people share with me their dreams, I find it rather boring. I'm like... "Wait, this didn't happen?" I'm not exactly on the edge of my seat unless there is some deep rooted meaning to the dream, it was about a past or upcoming future event, or somebody who had passed.

My dream last night doesn't necessarily fall into one of those categories, but it was JUST SO AMAZING, I had to share. With pictures, mainly from my Pinterest "Fairy Tale Life" pinboard...because in my dream, it was better than a fairy tale.

I'll preface by saying, I think the reason I HAD this dream was because:

(a) I am currently reading both of these Ina May Gaskin books,

(b) I'm obsessed with Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes,

(c) After seeing "The Business of Being Born," I thought birthing at "The Farm" in Tennessee would be an amazing experience. I even called shortly after discovering I was expecting, but was disappointed to hear that we could DEFINITELY not afford it. One of the best parts in the accidental timing of this pregnancy is that I'm covered under my mom's insurance plan until the end of May (when I turn 26), and baby is due beginning of May. The Farm does not take our insurance, and since it is in Tennessee, we would have to pay for lodging before and after the birth...and since they are all natural, we could be paying for lodging for like...a MONTH...and that's not including the time off work we wouldn't be getting paid.

I digress.

So, a birth at The Farm isn't going to happen for me, but the dream I had last night satisfied my every desire of merging with that community, plus some visual images that I only could experience in a dream.


George and I were traveling up to the Farm, to at least see what a birth there would be like. We immediately found Stephen Gaskin, one of the Farm co-founders. He crawled like a monkey, extending all four limbs interchangeably up a mountain, and we were miraculously able to keep up and follow him.

Once we made it up to the top, through several little trails, I saw a beautiful little home. I saw lots of people (okay, lots of hippies) that were all glad we had arrived. They seemed so peaceful, not a care in the world. Why would they? They were living in PARADISE. The home seemed small on the outside, but HUGE on the inside. And I was astonished (crazy that I remember this part) at how CLEAN it was. I asked, "How can yall be hippies and keep it so clean???" and they assured me, they rotated shifts for cleaning/cooking/relaxing. That sounded like something I could be into!

After meeting several strangers, I finally met the midwife legend, Ina May. She was RADIATING positive, healing energy. She had her hands all over my belly, and I loved it. She was assuring me that no matter where I had the baby, I was capable, and going to have an amazing birth.

She then told me I needed to put my iPhone away (quit taking pictures), and be quiet for the rehearsal. I was wondering what she was talking about? Apparently, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes rehearse there daily, and anybody is welcome to listen, but no cameras allowed. I happily obliged. Jade Castrinos herself came up and put her hands on my tummy, and congratulated us. I was in heaven!

The band played some silly games and songs warming up, then their 'rehearsal' really played out like a live concert, and we had front row seats.

I don't think this dream necessarily meant anything, but I do think it was my subconscious way of experiencing a total granola, natural, birth at the Farm, since I won't get to experience it there in real life. I never birthed little Sprout in my dream, just had an experience with everybody there. I LOVED IT. I'm so grateful to my dreams for the little mini vaycay I got last night.

My apologies for not citing any of these images. I got most of them from my Pinterest board, and some don't have working links. I don't have the rights to any of these images. The images in my head were even more amazing. This just gave a little peek into my head.