What is the point of prayer?

Help me to the Sun/Son, I'm lookin' everywhere. I'm lookin' to become not the pray-er, but the prayer.

I liked this song the moment I heard it. The title, "I Don't Wanna Pray," sounds controversial but speaks so much spiritual truth. 

When tragedy strikes, the first thing people often say is "I'll pray for you." My favorite minister spoke on this very topic 2 weeks ago: ((to see the sermon, click here)).

Really, if the only thing you do for somebody is "pray for them," you might as well do nothing. Do we as Christians honestly believe that God is a man up in the clouds, waiting to be swayed by our mortal pleas? Like God will cure my friend of cancer if I ask Him to in prayer? Or He will give her energy after chemo if I say a prayer correctly, or multiple times? Or if I pray for peace on Earth, do I expect God to say, "Lindsay Van Meter asked for it, so it is so." Yeah right. How egocentric is that concept?? When somebody loses a loved one, it is natural for us to tell them "You're in my thoughts and prayers." The "thoughts" makes it sound less religion-y and more politically correct. But are we just telling people that because we are at a loss on how to otherwise help?

Like the song, I don't want to be the person praying ((the "pray-er"))...I want to BE the prayer. So, if I'm praying for comfort, I want to BE the comfort. If I'm praying for peace, I want to BE the peace. Currently, I am lifting people up in prayer multiple times a day. To me, this means more than "Dear God, please comfort ((so and so))." 

To me, prayer is the direct connection to Spirit. When I pray, I am reminding MYSELF of my connection to God, which is always there whether or not I acknowledge it. When I pray, I silence everything in this physical realm, and focus on the spiritual realm. I acknowledge my connection to God, and meditate on what spiritual ((or physical!)) gifts I can offer that particular person//cause. 

Long-story-short, PRAYER DOESN'T CHANGE GOD. PRAYER DOESN'T CHANGE THE PERSON I'M PRAYING FOR. PRAYER CHANGES ME.

For example ((and not to say I think I'm so great...I don't, it was just a spiritual thing))... I have a work friend going through chemo right now. I pray for her. I don't think that God is going to change His mind on her outcome based on my prayers. I am reminded of what Jesus would do. It came to me in prayer, that I had a sick day I could donate to her. So I did. That doesn't mean I think I'm so great, or so giving, or so wonderful. It's a physical act that I am capable of doing, and I think that's what Jesus would do. It helped her, and it was an idea given to me by Spirit. That's the power of prayer. 

When I pray, I think about how Jesus would act. I try to do as He would do. Words are just words. Actions mean so much more. Sometimes, we can't act. We only have words. I think the best example here is with natural disasters. I can't afford to go physically help further than in my immediate metroplex. But, I do believe I can pray, and remind myself of the connection I have with Spirit. I can be moved during the prayer to either send money ((if I'm able)), or just be still, quiet, and give my energy to the victims. We are so obsessed with social media and technology, if I take the time to quiet myself and focus on the victims of tragedy, I believe I am giving a piece of energy to them. It might not be much, but it's better than believing I can say a quick "God be with the victims," to cross it off my "To Do List". 

Saying you'll pray for somebody, and then quickly asking God a favor, in my opinion, is not a valuable contribution. Heavily meditating on something matters. And most importantly, DOING something for the person(s) matters most. Being Spirit's hands and feet on this physical realm. 

"Well it's all right to talk, long as you walk it

It's all right to take, long as you give

Some say we forgiven and forgotten all our sins

Either way, I know it's so, that we all will live again

Pardon god and mom, if what I'm sayin' isn't fair

See I'm looking to become, not the pray-er but the prayer

And now I don't want to pray

Nooooo, I don't wanna pray

I don't wanna pray"

-Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

The Farm, Ina May, and Edward Sharpe. Also Known As: THE BEST DREAM EVER.

Usually when people share with me their dreams, I find it rather boring. I'm like... "Wait, this didn't happen?" I'm not exactly on the edge of my seat unless there is some deep rooted meaning to the dream, it was about a past or upcoming future event, or somebody who had passed.

My dream last night doesn't necessarily fall into one of those categories, but it was JUST SO AMAZING, I had to share. With pictures, mainly from my Pinterest "Fairy Tale Life" pinboard...because in my dream, it was better than a fairy tale.

I'll preface by saying, I think the reason I HAD this dream was because:

(a) I am currently reading both of these Ina May Gaskin books,

(b) I'm obsessed with Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes,

and
(c) After seeing "The Business of Being Born," I thought birthing at "The Farm" in Tennessee would be an amazing experience. I even called shortly after discovering I was expecting, but was disappointed to hear that we could DEFINITELY not afford it. One of the best parts in the accidental timing of this pregnancy is that I'm covered under my mom's insurance plan until the end of May (when I turn 26), and baby is due beginning of May. The Farm does not take our insurance, and since it is in Tennessee, we would have to pay for lodging before and after the birth...and since they are all natural, we could be paying for lodging for like...a MONTH...and that's not including the time off work we wouldn't be getting paid.

I digress.

So, a birth at The Farm isn't going to happen for me, but the dream I had last night satisfied my every desire of merging with that community, plus some visual images that I only could experience in a dream.

*********************************************************************************

George and I were traveling up to the Farm, to at least see what a birth there would be like. We immediately found Stephen Gaskin, one of the Farm co-founders. He crawled like a monkey, extending all four limbs interchangeably up a mountain, and we were miraculously able to keep up and follow him.

Once we made it up to the top, through several little trails, I saw a beautiful little home. I saw lots of people (okay, lots of hippies) that were all glad we had arrived. They seemed so peaceful, not a care in the world. Why would they? They were living in PARADISE. The home seemed small on the outside, but HUGE on the inside. And I was astonished (crazy that I remember this part) at how CLEAN it was. I asked, "How can yall be hippies and keep it so clean???" and they assured me, they rotated shifts for cleaning/cooking/relaxing. That sounded like something I could be into!

After meeting several strangers, I finally met the midwife legend, Ina May. She was RADIATING positive, healing energy. She had her hands all over my belly, and I loved it. She was assuring me that no matter where I had the baby, I was capable, and going to have an amazing birth.

She then told me I needed to put my iPhone away (quit taking pictures), and be quiet for the rehearsal. I was wondering what she was talking about? Apparently, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes rehearse there daily, and anybody is welcome to listen, but no cameras allowed. I happily obliged. Jade Castrinos herself came up and put her hands on my tummy, and congratulated us. I was in heaven!

The band played some silly games and songs warming up, then their 'rehearsal' really played out like a live concert, and we had front row seats.

I don't think this dream necessarily meant anything, but I do think it was my subconscious way of experiencing a total granola, natural, birth at the Farm, since I won't get to experience it there in real life. I never birthed little Sprout in my dream, just had an experience with everybody there. I LOVED IT. I'm so grateful to my dreams for the little mini vaycay I got last night.

My apologies for not citing any of these images. I got most of them from my Pinterest board, and some don't have working links. I don't have the rights to any of these images. The images in my head were even more amazing. This just gave a little peek into my head. 

xoxo,

L

12/21/12...End of the World. Sort Of.

As I look out my window and see a gorgeous sun illuminating paved sidewalks, bare branches, and crinkled leaves, I hesitate before chuckling at the "end of the world" scare.

I hesitate because maybe it isn't a completely fabricated and ridiculous idea to think that today could be the end of something. There might not be aliens and zombies outside my front door, but there is a crisp, fresh breeze. And our four furbabies (Teddy, Stella, Dunkin Donut and Earl Grey) are alive and well, completely unaware that today is different than any other.

And that makes me aware that as a human being, we have a huge edge over animals. We are aware. We are conscious. Our brains are capable of processing amazing thoughts that even other mammals aren't capable of. 

What if today, I choose to end a cycle of anxiety and negative thinking? What if I think of today not as a "fake end of the world," but a "start of a new chapter." Kind of like New Years, only in my imagination, this is a way bigger deal, because there's a new year every 365 days, and there hasn't been a fake-end-of-the-world-day since Y2K. 

With so many changes going on, it's easy for me to feel out of control. I wouldn't like to think of myself as a "control freak," but in all honesty, I probably ought to own it. I ought to own it so I can discard it. Awareness is curative, right? I think I pride myself on my "get 'er done" mindset, and restless work ethic. And up until recently, these key ingredients, paired with a positive attitude, have allowed me to shape the exact life I've wanted for myself.

But this past year, some decisions have lead to other life-changing situations, and for a while, I was scared. I felt out of control, and like even my usual "recipe for success" wasn't going to help me this time. Thank God for a strong and loving family, solid friendships, and of course, my loyal partner. With a renewed attitude, refreshed perspective, and grateful heart, I can honestly say I'm beyond excited to see how this next chapter in my life will unfold. 

I know this is a bit of a tangent, but I have strengthened my belief in the importance of developing and maintaining a strong network. I was lucky to be born into an amazing family, but I have to continue to give (in whatever ways I can) to them, as they have given to me. My mom just had shoulder surgery (rotator cuff tear, which I know is a very painful recovery), and I need to make myself available to her. I am fortunate to have great friendships, but these are two-way streets, and I have to be sure to check on my friends and make sure I am up to date in their individual lives. I must continue to focus on my husband's needs, not just my own. In this next chapter, I think I will inevitably learn selflessness, which will be a struggle since I have REALLY enjoyed being selfish the past few years. Confession. 

Back to my point, today is not the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new world. And that new world starts in my head, in my heart, and in my thoughts, which fuel my actions. To encourage positive thinking and maintain this feeling, I'm going to do a few things out of the ordinary.

1) I'm going to clean my house. Like, really clean it. On my hands and knees, scrub the baseboards, kind of clean. Laundry. Dishes. Sweep. Mop. Because a clean house will make my husband happy (YAY! Progress.) and also will make me feel comfortable, and relaxed.

2) I'm going to enjoy some quality time with my closest friends, delivering presents (and necessities) to a family in extreme need. I'm very grateful for my friend Jessica, and her mom, Monica. They opened my eyes to a foundation called "I Have a Dream" in the projects in Dallas. The best part about this event is not just giving money, it's giving time. We have been buying gifts throughout the week, Jessica wrapped them last night, and today we will go bring them to the family we sponsored, and break bread (or pizza) with them. Put names with faces. They won't just be "two girls in Dallas," they will be actual people, and I know this time with my friends will be not only a memory-in-the-making, but also a unique opportunity to remind me of my many blessings. And how blessed I am to be able to give back to a family, when I thought financially I was strapped. There's always enough to give. It's a matter of what I can't do for myself, or what needs to be eliminated from the budget. In this case, it means Drunken Noodles (my utmost favorite dish, that unfortunately costs $12). Seriously, worth it.

3) I'm going to work on an embroidery project. Because it seems like there is always something better to do, but really, this quiets my mind and I always feel productive when I finish another line.

4) I'm going to drink hot tea. On a cold day. And when I drink it, I won't be drinking it on the go. I will sit, and enjoy each sip. This is how I drink my coffee many mornings. A hot drink can definitely be a form of meditation for me, and I intend to have one after this blogpost.

5) I'm going to pray. I remember as a little girl, praying the same thing every night, to "cover my bases," or make sure I was being good. That's not what prayer is about to me anymore. Now, I know it is a DIRECT connection from my soul to the Soul of the Universe. And how lucky we are to have that, if we only quiet the mind and tune in. I won't be asking for anything. I'll be thanking God for what has been given to me. I love the Edward Sharpe song, "I Don't Wanna Pray," because one of the BEST lines is 

"Not much good to talk, better to walk it

Not much good to take, better to give

We are gone forgiven and forgotten of our sins

I promise you my friend all that dies will live again

Pardon god and mom, what I'm sayin' isn't rare

See I'm looking to become, not the pray-er but the prayer"

I want to focus, not just today but forever, on not being a person who prays asking for qualities, emotions, or things, but being the actual answered prayer. Living out the words I am affirming. When I pray for peace, gratitude, and love, I am affirming that I AM peace, gratitude and love. 

6)Burn sweetgrass, thanks to my friend, Stephanie. She told me it invites good energy when you burn it, and I want to bring as much good energy in today as possible to start this new chapter out right. Thanks for that, Steph.

7) I will quite possibly do a few ideas from this blog which I found from a friend, Greer's facebook page. 

• Read my horoscope
• Paint my nails
• Listen to my favorite album (I will actually listen to that Edward Sharpe song, on vinyl. Perfect.)
• Bake something tasty (cinnamon rolls via waffle iron. Perfect.)
• Write in your journal.
• Make a fort.
• Breathe in. Breathe out.

That post actually inspired this post. Which is pretty awesome, that a girl I don't even know inspired me. I think the connectedness and openness has already started, if we choose to embrace it. What a wonderful world we live in. 

HAPPY Non-End-of-the-World Day. Since we have the rest of our lives after all, let's make the absolute best of it. Today and everyday. It's one extra day that we might not have had. Celebrate!

xoxo,

L

Listening to Lyrics in March

LADIES AND GENTS

FOR THE MONTH OF MARCH 

MY "FAVORITE LYRICS POST" GOES TO:

EDWARD SHARPE AND THE MAGNETIC ZEROES

DISPATCH

INDIGO GIRLS

Well, it's a lovely Saturday morning. I'm grateful I set my alarm for 7:11 and stuck with it. Sipping my coffee slowly, and enjoying the lightly flavored butter toffee flavor. Listening to music and searching for more. I really like Pandora and my iTunes Genius Recommendations for discovering new music. Also, I'm grateful my boss has a very eclectic taste in music and I am exposed to new music in the operating room all the time. Recently, I heard a song, "Janglin" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, and I recognized it (later I realized it was a Ford commercial...). I instantly loved it, and it put me in a really happy, care-free, peaceful mood. Here is an awesome video of this band playing the song "Janglin" followed by "Home" (the lyrics of the latter will be mentioned below) at NPR: click here.

I downloaded the whole album and have a new favorite song, and dedicated it to my sweet man yesterday. This song is a much more blissful and nostalgic way of saying, "Home is Where the Heart Is..."The lyrics are beautiful and it DEFINITELY is going down as my favorite lyrics of my month thus far!!

Click Here to Hear "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes

click here for the all of the lyrics

George rarely gets online, and even more rarely gets on Facebook or Blogging sites. In the event that you're taking a study break, George, and have stumbled across this post, know that this song is from me to you. Love!

My favorite lyrics:

I'll follow you into the park 
Through the jungle, through the dark
Girl, I never loved one like you
Moats and boats and waterfalls
Alleyways and pay phone calls
I've been everywhere with you
That's true
Laugh until we think we'll die
Barefoot on a summer night
Never could be sweeter than with you
And in the streets you run a-free
Like it's only you and me
Geez, you're something to see
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you
Ah, home
Let me go home
Home is wherever I'm with you

The next song of choice for me has to go to "The General" by Dispatch. This isn't a new discovery to me, but I felt like sharing (as I've shared a few posts on spirituality and religion lately) this song's double-meaning to me. To listen to the song while reading the lyrics, click here.

The song is intended to be about a general telling his soldiers that the fight is not worth fighting, and they are free to go and forgiven for not completing the military task. I really like thinking about the lyrics as Christ instead of the General, and the troops being all of us. Here are my favorite lyrics in the song, and why I think they could be perceived as Jesus' message to the disciples prior to His crucifixion:

"He grew a beard as soon as he could to cover the scars on his face 

And always urged his men on..."

(depicts our typical image of Jesus with the beard, and the visual of Him encouraging his followers)

"He said: I have seen the others 
And I have discovered 
That this fight is not worth fighting 
And I have seen their mothers 
And I will no other, to follow me where I'm going 
So
Take a shower, shine your shoes 
You got no time to lose 
You are young men, you must be living
Go now you are forgiven ..."
(when Jesus accepts the crucifixion as part of His mission and hangs His head while saying, "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do," while urging His followers to go on and live happy and fulfilled lives)

"But the men stood fast with their guns on their shoulders 
Not knowing what to do with the contradicting orders 
The General said he would do his own duty but he would extend it no further 
The men can go as they please" 

(when Jesus was crucified, He accepted the death as part of his duty but didn't expect any disciples to die with Him)

"Not a man moved their eyes gazed straight ahead, 
Till one by one they stepped back and not a word was said 
And the old general was left with his own words echoing in his head..."

everybody watching Him take His last few breaths. Can you imagine what was going through Jesus' head?!?! I imagine it was the rest of the lyrics of THIS song:
Go now you are forgiven
Go now you are forgiven

Go now you are forgiven
Go
Yea

Go now you are forgiven
Go now you are forgiven

Go now you are forgiven

Go

Go now you are forgiven
Go now you are forgiven

Go now you are forgiven

And my last song for the month....another beautiful song that relates back to religion..."Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls. I felt it necessary to post this one (and save the best for last) because there was an Indigo Girls reference on Glee this week (LOVED the episode, by the way! Yes, I'm a total GLEEK!) and I have probably listened to this song beginning to end, about a thousand times. I was SO glad to have seen them perform live at Austin City Limits in 2007. I couldn't find that particular concert, but here is the song, played in Austin, at Stubbs in 2009. Here is a link for the full lyrics. TRULY all of the lyrics (and it's kind of a long song) I believe to be noteworthy, but I'll just type out the chorus, in an effort to prevent this post from becoming long-winded...

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains

I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains

There's more than one answer to these questions

Pointing me in a crooked line

And the less I seek my source for some definitive

The closer I am to fine....

Yeah we go to the Bible, we go through the workout

We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout

This message speaks particularly loudly to me at this point in my life, as I have been in a deep state of analyzation and inquisition. I've been asking so many questions, trying to figure out exactly what I believe and why, and sometimes I think it's healthy to step back, take a deep breathe, and remember, "it's only life after all." The Girls word it beautifully with the "less I seek my source (GOD) for some definitive (ANSWERS), the closer I am to fine..." THANK YOU INDIGO GIRLS! YALL ARE AMAZING!

Well, music once again inspires me. I am grateful if anybody read through this post, and as always, would love feedback, and personal recommendations for music, lyrics, inspiration, or analyzation! Thank you for reading and have a beautiful weekend!!!!