One of my New Year's intentions is to share thoughts and opinions from a diverse group of women on this blog. Of course, to be cohesive with the subject matter, I will invite women who identify themselves either as feminists, spiritual entities, or mothers. Ideally, all three. Hehe.
My musings can be repetitive. I'm opening the conversation to include musings from other women.
In January, I showcased my friend, Janelle. For February, I'm showcasing another inspirational mama, and another friend of mine. Ashton.
I remember meeting Ashton in middle school. We were both in LEAP. Now, she lives in Tennessee, and is a wife and mother to 2 daughters. She's always been thoughtful, as well as thought provoking. This format of writing reminds me of our journal-sharing days back in 6th grade with Ms. Shaw! Her responses to my questions inspired me, but I can't say I was surprised.
Enjoy!
xo,
L
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What's your definition of a "feminist"?
To me, a feminist hopes for and fights for equal treatment for everyone, regardless
of gender. However, I often extend my feelings of equality to race,
socioeconomic status, sexual orientation, ability, religion, etc.
Equality for all!
Do you consider yourself a feminist?
Absolutely.
I experienced a true "feminist awakening" a few years ago and am
constantly exploring ways to push myself and encourage others around me
to pursue fairer treatment of all. Plus, I mean, I have two daughters,
and having them has really opened my eyes to different expectations
across gender.
How has empowering yourself as a woman made you a better mother?
I
think it makes me very aware of things that I want to be different for
my daughters and other daughters in the world. By empowering myself I
don't allow anyone else's expectations of me (or motherhood, really) to
decide what is right for me and my family. And, hopefully, I am setting
an example for my daughters to follow that nothing is off limits to
them.
Side note: The other day, Olivia told me
that she may or may not want to get married when she is older but she
does know she wants to be "an artist, a zookeeper, and a mother- and
ride a motorcycle" and I thought, "okay, I'm doing alright with this
motherhood thing."
Do you feel closer to whatever you call the Higher Power since a having a "feminist awakening"? Further from? Ambivalent? Do you think feminism and spirituality are related, or have nothing to do with one another?
I am a Christian and I definitely feel closer to God since becoming a mother because I now have a better understanding of unconditional love. I have never felt so connected to anyone like I do my daughters and I believe that is how God feels about us.
For
me, feminism and spirituality are related because they are both the
greatest influences on my life. My belief in God and belief in the love
He has for me and all of his children strengthens my feminist beliefs in
equality for everyone.
What do you do and what encouraged you to get into your line of work?
I
work as a behaviorist for a local firm. I work primarily with children
with developmental delays that impact their behavior and their families.
Typically we help target and reduce problem behaviors and teach
children socially appropriate behaviors to get their wants and needs.
I
taught special education in a Title 1 school in Nashville for 2 years
and would often have great success with the kids in my class (most of
whom had emotional or behavioral disorders) but I realized quickly that
without consistency across environments and caregivers, most of that
work comes apart. I wanted to work across people and places to help make
the child as successful as he could be, so I went back to school at
Vanderbilt and earned my M. Ed. in Special Education and Applied
Behavior Analysis.
What's your greatest struggle being a professional and a mother?
For
me, I am passionate about both my work and my family- and the hardest
part is determining who to give what, when. Right now I work mostly
afternoons and evenings which cuts into time with my children, but I
have a flexible schedule, mornings off with my husband, and weekends at
home with my girls. So, it's irregular, but it's our normal.
How does your role in the home affect you professionally?
I
am fortunate to have a husband who sees me as his equal in all aspects
and supports me. When I thought about going back to school he encouraged
me and helped make it work out financially. When I work until the late
evening I never have to worry if the kids are fed or in bed on time. I
do not have to be the primary caregiver, house cleaner, and also a
full-time working woman. We share all responsibilities evenly and rely
heavily on one another, and it's something that I think makes our
relationship so unique. We both have jobs that we are passionate about
(he's a full-time musician) and we both encourage and support one
another to do that and have a family.
What spiritual practices//habits//routines do you incorporate into your life? How do you bring spirituality to your family life?
Given
our crazy schedule, we do not have a very set routine. We attend church
on occasion and pray before the meals we eat together. We read the
Bible and talk about the parables and Christ's message of loving others.
But that's about as far as a routine goes.
The
biggest practices we are incorporating into our family life are
practices of generosity, gratitude, and stewardship. We try not to be
over-consumers (nearly everything we purchase is second hand) and we try
to teach our children not to be wasteful (we recycle like crazy). We
communicate with our children that not everyone has what we have and we
live in an excessive society, so we are constantly purging things from
our home and donating them, as well as trying to reduce the amount we
bring in. We donate time and money to causes we support and I have
definitely seen that rub off on our children. We are trying to teach our
children to value people, not things, and to value their world. And so
far it's working out nicely.
Are you raising your kids the same way you were raised, from a religious standpoint?
No, not really. The foundation of the beliefs I was raised with are the same but in practice our beliefs are much different.
What are you keeping the same and what are you consciously changing?
We are Christian, and we believe God loves everyone, even those who are different from us. There are many things I was taught as a child that does not sit well with me as an adult and, to me, those things do not speak God's message of loving others. I do not believe that women are subservient or that homosexuals go to hell. I don't believe that God is a Republican (or a Democrat, for that matter) or that God blesses us with monetary things. I believe God meets our needs, sure, but I do not
believe that if I'm "in His favor" I will be given a rich, healthy life. I mean, look at the life of Jesus. In case you cannot tell, the "prosperity gospel" makes me sick. In summary, if I truly believe that God loves me more intensely than I love my own, imperfect, children, I can't believe many of the things I was told as a child being raised in an Evangelical church.
I think one of the greatest things I am changing is the way I respond to people different than I am. For me it's not, love the sinner, hate the sin, it's just love the person.
We don't teach our children to be tolerant, we teach them to be
compassionate. One of my favorite authors, Glennon Doyle Melton (she's
basically my guru) says "traffic is to be tolerated, people are to be celebrated."
We don't want our girls to have the attitude of "well I'm still nice to
so-and-so even though they do that" because to us that's not the
message of Jesus. We don't describe others to our children as being good
or bad- and we are teaching them (and ourselves) to turn judgment
inward (reflective) instead of outward. I want to question the way I
treat others and show God's love, not the decisions others are making.
Oh,
and there's also that thing where we tell our children God is both our
Father AND our Mother. If we believe we are "created in His image" we
can't believe that half the population is different from that
image.That's pretty different than what I was taught as a kid.
What is the difference between religion and spirituality?
I
think religion is (most) people doing the best they can to put into
practice their spirituality. And to me, spirituality is this deep rooted
sense that something greater than you exists, whether that something be
a purpose or a being, that depends on the person experiencing it. I
think religion and spirituality can exist in the same person but I've
also seen them one without the other.
What do you think happens when we die?
I
wish I knew, but I just have this reassuring feeling that whatever it
is, it is peaceful. I believe in an afterlife but I don't know what that
looks like, but I do believe that my family will be there and we will
live in the presence of God. I just imagine it will feel like being
really, really loved. If Heaven happened to be an endless beach with an
eternal sunset and an umbrella drink, I would be okay with that too.
How do you talk to your kids about the big questions?
We are a pretty direct family, so when my kids ask something, we answer
it. If we don't know the answer we tell them we don't know the answer. We always ask them the same question back like "what do you think about that?" I think our communication has always been so open with our kids that there hasn't been many big questions, but rather a series of small conversations saying what we believe, why, and what we do about it. We also don't lie to our kids so hopefully that keeps lines of communication open as they get older.
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