Thoughts on Being a Wife.

Ahhh. It feels so nice to have the internet. And my cup of coffee, warm in my hand.

Several times since returning from our amazing honeymoon, I've had conflicting thoughts bouncing around in this overactive, obsessive-compulsive brain of mine.

I'm happy. So very, very, happy. After dating for 7 years, it feels amazing to have George in my bed every night, and it feels very comforting knowing we have both decided to do this thing called "life" together.

Photo by Stephanie Rose Photography.

We are in the formative months of our marriage. We've been married for about two months, and I feel as though almost every decision is laying down the foundation. Sure, dating had to precede this foundation, but now I feel I am creating the future I want to have with this man. Little things...like, I finally picked up flowers to hang near our front door. Is this something I should attempt to hang myself, or let him, because he's the "man of the house"? Having found feminism somewhat recently, I constantly have internal conflict wondering if I should prove that I CAN do certain things, or if I should encourage George to take the traditionally male gender roles.

So far, the gender roles are working, so I'm not going to complain. He mounted the TV, hung up our wall pantry (no real pantry in this tiny little cottage!), and moved the heavy items. He also assembled the Cat Genie (oh my gosh yall if you have multiple cats, GET ONE OF THESE BAD BOYS), and has picked up a few checks this week that have made me smile from ear to ear. I've made breakfast on our one and only leisurely morning (see, a "good wife" would ensure her husband had a good meal at least once a day, but I digress), and I've definitely been the CEO of the home organization. I feel confident that this is my strong contribution to our little family of two. I also have been tidying up after the dogs, cats, and hubs. My favorite traditionally "female" gender role I've taken on has been (of course) the decor, and DIY projects.

Our bedroom accent wall, a work still in progress...

I've also had some conflict wondering how to balance the families we each have come from, and the family we are now starting. Not having any children made me think this would be easy, but I have wondered at times if I should be at home in Grapevine, or home in Flower Mound, with my parents, on certain occasions. For instance, "Glee Nights" are Tuesdays at my mom's, and I would hate to give this up. I wouldn't, actually. Sometimes I caught myself feeling obligated to go home right when it was over, because I felt bad if George was home alone without me. One night I stayed the night at my parents', and it felt great being in my old bed, with my family. I guess doing whatever feels right is okay, as long as I consider George's feelings. He's fairly laid back. For the most part, we both lead busy lives, and it's not too big of an issue, but I still feel an obligation to my parents (and "obligation" sounds like it's a chore...it's not, it's something I want to do) and I also feel an obligation to George, and it's hard to determine which one wins out. I can only imagine how tough holidays will be, and even worse, when kids come into the picture....I guess that's why we're figuring out what works now, before it gets too complicated. I don't mean for this to sound negative; I'm so grateful that I have two loving, married parents, 10 minutes down the road, who I can spend time with. I'm so happy to be married to my best friend. I'm just saying it's not easy as pie determining who you're going to spend time with when you want to merge the two, and your husband isn't a Glee fan. Hehe.

I drove with my mom, dad, and sister, to Lubbock this past weekend to watch Laura graduate from Texas Tech. I was so proud! Getting to have family time in the car felt really nice. I flew back by myself, and George picked me up. That was an example of something different since the marriage...I probably would have driven back with my family if we weren't married. However, I really enjoyed the time with family and the short flight back, and MOST enjoyed the concert George and I went to after. I don't think I hurt anybody's feelings, so I think it's all good...I hope? I'm constantly paranoid about letting people down.

So in summation, I feel some conflict, but nothing that I can't handle. Just like when I graduated high school, or college, and felt bittersweet...like a part of my childhood was behind me. You want to graduate, you're proud to graduate, but you leave a little bit of innocence behind. I guess that's my point with marriage. I wanted to get married, I'm proud to be married to George, and I wouldn't change a thing. But when you grew up in as loving a home as I did, leaving behind a small part of your childhood isn't easy. Today I'm focusing on how fortunate I am to have both my family and George in my life. I feel very full of love.