In the Flow.

I am so excited to begin reading "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. It's been a while since I have been intrigued with a spiritually enlightening book, in part because I have been so preoccupied with all that is going on in my life. I have had the most transformative year of my life, morphing from a newlywed into a pregnant woman, and now into a mother. These experience have brought me closer to God and to Life, and I have had many insights and thoughts related to my spirituality that have stemmed from within. But I remember looking outward a few years ago for spiritual inspiration, and finding it in different selections, like "A New Earth," and "Discover the Power Within."

I coincidentally found "Super Soul Sunday" on the OWN network today while channel surfing/nursing my daughter. I LOVE me some Oprah, but haven't tuned in to her station. I feel lighter and compelled to begin reading another one of her recommendations, "The Untethered Soul," after she had a great conversation with the author, Michael Singer. This book is all about realizing the voice within is NOT our identity. The part of us that is aware of these thoughts is our true identity. Our identity is the observer, the see-er.

One poignant excerpt from the book that Oprah shared was a story about the Angel of Death appearing before someone about to die. The person's response was, "Give me one more week! I needed some notice that you were coming!!" and the angel replied, "I gave you 52 weeks just in this past year! I gave you a lifetime." I am admittedly terrified of the concept of death when it relates to those closest to me. I blogged about this back in February when I was pregnant:

"....I'm scared of how much I love people. Because when they leave this dimension, I don't know if I'll be able to cope without them....I can't think about losing my parents, not even for a second...because I've NEVER KNOWN LIFE without them....And my heart breaks for those who have lost their parents, and have to know this pain everyday. Then I think about losing George, and how much of a void I will feel daily, and it makes me so anxious I have to consciously tell myself to stop. And tonight, when I thought about the love I have already for my daughter, and how that love will grow...and how it is not only love, but also RESPONSIBILITY...well, I think I'm already getting a taste of what it's like to be a worrywart mother."

I know that as my faith in God grows, my acceptance of death will also. I also cognitively know that death is inevitable, but I spend most of my time in denial whenever it crosses my mind, because I can't think about it without extreme discomfort. That's not to say that my goal is to get to where thinking of losing my family members will become a comfortable thing! But I think realizing that life is temporary, for ALL of us, and that death is the one common denominator of humanity...might help me live my life to the fullest, and make each day really count.

I want to be a vessel in which God's love can flow. Through me, to those closest to me. I know that I am a spiritual being. What's that expression? We don't HAVE souls...we ARE souls, we HAVE bodies. I believe that. I get choked up when I nurse and rock Lilah Grace to various lullabies, and the Billy Joel lullaby ends with, "Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on, they never die, that's how you and I will be." Being a mother, I have felt more fulfilled in my life's purpose. I want to leave a legacy. I want to instill immortal values in my daughter so that long after we are both gone, we left a mark. 

Life has been really smooth lately. George is thriving in his new job. He is the breadwinner. And while I wave my feminist flag with pride, I have realized that gender roles DO work best for our family. I am Lilah's complete source for nutrition at this point. She survives off of me, just like she did in utero. I am proud to say I have the "magic touch" and can calm this little babe when nobody else can. I LOVE BEING A MOMMY! So while I've scaled back at work, I have discovered a new "job" of being a parent, and I love it more than any work I've ever done. It feels so natural. I hate to boast, but I kinda think I'm killin' it at bein' a mom. I've grown so much more patient, and have really calmed down. I love the simple pleasures, because she REMINDS me to stare at the trees and smile. Because she does. And she doesn't even have language to limit her! She's amazing. Also, I have been spending time nesting, deciding how to make our new HOUSE (yay!) more "us." I also think I have a knack for this. And I LOVE IT. I really feel like for a while, George and I were both paddling upstream. And now, we are sailing. We both feel this way...and it might not always be this way...but for now, I'm really enjoying being in the flow.

I'm looking outward for more spiritual inspiration, because I do think the purpose of life is taking off the layers that wrap up our souls. And as I discover more, I will be sure to share! Spirituality and politics are my two favorite topics! Can't get enough! :)

xoxo,

L