Transitioning

I definitely feel a shift. Lilah Grace isn't my tiny little newborn baby anymore.

2 or 3 days old

4 weeks old

Even though she has been growing like a weed since her conception, the difference between stages hasn't been as obvious. She's 7 months old now, and into everything. Everything is going into her mouth, thanks to her first tooth waiting to make her appearance any day now. I can feel the sharp edge through her tiny fleshy gum.

((her finger is constantly rubbin' that gum!))

She's reaching up and out, which is absolutely adorable. And in that moment, I'm using my hands to pick her up, which explains why I don't have a picture of it!

She's mocking sounds deliberately ((still no consonants...I'm on the edge of my seat for an intentional "mama")), and she loves eating a variety of foods. I think her affinity towards solids is probably WHY I'm feeling such a shift.

I have absolutely loved breastfeeding. And even though we still nurse in the mornings and before bed, I physically ((and emotionally)) feel like that's coming to an end. I can go to work now and not need to pump. I no longer get engorged...even after not pumping or nursing for 12 hours. I never had a huge milk supply, but I used to have enough to exclusively breast feed for her first 4 months. We just fed every 3 hours. Which included night shift! And as a result, we started a co-sleeping habit.

The silver lining is that I am getting more sleep...she now SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT! In her crib! I'll give her a bottle around 6:00 in the evenings and then bath//breastfeed//bedtime by 7:30. When she nurses, it's just a comfort thing. I can feel that she's barely getting any milk. Sometimes that makes me feel like I'm becoming less necessary, or less satisfying to her...but sometimes it makes me feel more like my old self...it's been over a year since I felt like my body was my own, and not a shared entity.

I have mixed feelings, but I'm definitely having them. I know I could try fenugreek...or frequent pumping...or dietary changes. But breastfeeding ((fortunately)) has been a very natural thing for us, and hasn't required any interventions thus far, and I just feel like riding it out naturally, too. As long as she continues to have an interest in nursing, I'll let her for our mutual comfort, but I think it's a matter of time until she gets frustrated with my decreasing milk production.

When she closes her eyes and is resting her head on my chest...THAT is my favorite moment on any given day. That's the closest her face looks to her newborn face. And I ALREADY am missing that face. I have been so present and in the moment, but recently have felt myself longing for the past and those sweet newborn days.

She will be mobile any day now. She rocks back and forth on her hands and knees, rotates in a full circle around herself, and can push backwards. Thinking of my little baby as a mobile tot terrifies me. Such a game changer! The next chapter will require much more energy, diligence, and discipline. I've absolutely cherished the innocence//sweetness//helplessness of her infancy.

The next phase brings some anxiety, but also excitement! I can't wait to hear "mama"! And though I'm scared, I'm so excited to see her take her first step! I love hearing new sounds and seeing new facial expressions. And other parents have told me it continues to get better...that's very reassuring ((much better than other parenting tips//advice...like "eat this//tell her that//read this" etc...))

I've heard a few phrases lately that have resonated. First, that having a child is like having a Christmas present that you get to open every single day. I feel it when I walk in her room and see that fuzzy little head popped up in her crib ((and side note...she is so good about just waking up and cooing rather than crying...which I find very pleasant)). Second, that parenthood exists in a timewarp, where the days are long, but the years are short. I can't believe my baby is 7 months old! And I know I'll say that about every age! "I can't believe she's 1!...potty-trained...starting school!...driving!...graduating!...getting married!"I totally get why people think of their children as their babies regardless of their age, and I totally listen to "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey differently now.

Lilah Grace, you have already brought me so much happiness! You have brought me peace, laughter, and more joy than I ever thought possible. You are continually the best part of my day, and you'll ALWAYS be my baby!

See??! She's growing up WAY too fast! :) :) :)

xoxo,
L