The Convergence of Conservative Values and Feminists in the Natural Parenting Movement

I think it's interesting to see mamas on both ends of the political spectrum embracing the cloth diaper, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby-wearing, baby-food-making, and sadly, often, anti-vaxxing. I never thought some of my dreadlocked hippy friends from college would have so much in common with some of my super conservative Christian friends from high school! What gives??

One of my favorite feminist authors, Valenti, said in an interview ((about how the natural parenting movement can be the point of convergence for conservative values and anti-consumerist feminism)),

"At the core of it, I think, is a distrust of institutions – which for women, makes a lot of sense to me. The feminism at the heart of the homebirth movement, for example, is women being fed up with their bodies being pathologized and being told that they need all of these medical interventions to give birth. I get that. The medical establishment – and the government – has spent forever telling women they don’t know what is up with their own bodies, so it’s understandable that there’s a backlash against that. But there’s a difference between having a healthy skepticism of traditionally sexist institutions and believing that your “instinct” trumps science and established fact – which is what the anti-vaccination movement is very much about...." -Jessica Valenti

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This recent post circulating my FB minifeed caught my attention, and just as I was starting to "share" it as a status, I realized my commentary evolved from a status update to a blogpost. So here goes.

In 2011, when the US saw the largest measles outbreak in 15 years, the CDC attributed it to small groups of unvaccinated children.

Typically, the pockets of outbreaks occur in either upper-middle-class, white neighborhoods, or extremely religious communities.

An alternative private school in Floyd County, Virginia, had to shut down because half of its students got whooping cough in April 2011. ALL of the students who contracted the virus were unvaccinated. A resurgence of pertussis also cropped up in California in 2010 because of unvaccinated kids-it was the worst outbreak in over 60 years. Rich kids. Hippie kids. Religious kids. So what's the common denominator?

Is it the need to feel validation? Is it the need to reject "Big Brother"? Is it rebellion? Mother's intuition? What is it???

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In Why Have Kids, author Jessica Valenti explains the reason Jenny McCarthy had so much success establishing a following of moms against vaccines ((out of fear of autism)):

"When McCarthy was confronted with a statement from the CDC during her 2007 Oprah appearance that pointed out the overwhelming scientific evidence against her, her response perfectly captured the sentiment of moms across the country, 

"My science is Evan. He's at home. That's my science."

-Jenny McCarthy

So for a generation of parents-mothers especially-who are extremely uncomfortable with not feeling in control and increasingly more interested in trusting their own knowledge over experts, the anti-vaccination movement is perfect. 

When a cause comes along that says: "You do the research, trust yourself, Big Pharma is trying to get one over on you," that's a very seductive message to a population that is sick and tired of not being respected. That's why, in part, women tend to be more anti-vaccination than men. They're more vocal not only because they tend to be the ones that are making decision about children, but they're also the ones who are more invested in the idea of their own knowledge as expertise....

What many parents don't realize is the way in which Internet searches are based. Google, for example, learns what you're interested in and will give you search results according to those interests. So let's say you search for 'vaccine autism' and you click on a website that claims to show a connection between the disorder and vaccinations, the next time you do a similar search, Google will remember what you clicked on and show you like-minded results in your follow-up searches....

Doing research on Google does not put us on par with an inoculation researcher, and staying on top of the minutiae of our children's lives does not mean that we don't need help and support from actual experts." 

-Jessica Valenti

To function healthily as a society, we have to think about the community, not just ourselves. Assuming the anti-vaxxers truly believe that vaccines are poisonous//dangerous, despite the experts saying otherwise, how does not vaccinating your kid help your community? It doesn't. Where as, on the other side of the argument, pro-vaxxers not only see themselves as protecting their child, but also their community. I know that by vaccinating Lilah Grace, I've not only done my part to keep her safe, but I also have eliminated the risk of her being a threat to the immunocompromised population in my community.

Another example of natural parenting sometimes going to an extreme...opting out of public school because you don't like the education system, and you think your kid deserves better. I know how important education is. Arguably, the most important and modifiable factor in a child's future. So while I understand the desire to home school, or even send to private school, the bleeding heart in me just has to ask...

Why not volunteer in the PTA? Offer help to your child's teacher? Make suggestions to the principal that improve the school as a whole! Why not make your public school better?

What good is it if you raise this "perfectly educated child" at home, or at an expensive private school ((per your individualized, unique standards)) if when they enter the "real world," everybody else has been in the shitty school system? Do you think your one kid is going to trump the majority? IMPROVE THE MAJORITY!!
*obligatory disclaimer...I withdraw these statements for kids with special needs. I'm talking about the average kid, at the average public school. If you have a child with special needs, and you're fortunate enough to be able to provide them with a specialized education to help them have an equal opportunity in life, I get it. 100%.

I wish more people had the desire to improve their tribe, community, and even the world, instead of just their kid.

"I believe that the community - in the fullest sense: a place and all its creatures - is the smallest unit of health and that to speak of the health of an isolated individual is a contradiction in terms." -Wendell Berry

We live online now. I am acutely aware of the time I spend consuming social media. And I don't think it's going anywhere! One of my favorite functions of Instagram is feeling like I'm constantly in contact with other moms, doing the same thing as me. I have to say, I often feel like social media is a positive outlet for me, because I am inspired by other women, and feel a connection to other women. When my mom used to stay home with me, she was alone. Completely alone. All day, with a baby. Then, all day, with a 3 year old and a baby. I feel plugged in with other moms, and I feel this sense of feminine community. I don't want to disconnect from that. But, I also see how some people don't use social media in the same way that I do. Some people get really stressed out!

What's worse, some people think that by clicking on a certain number of hashtags, or googling a phrase enough times, they have more knowledge than somebody who actually received a degree in the subject matter. That is when social media becomes not just a nuisance, but actually dangerous. We are now living in a time when people make life-altering decisions based on information they found online, rather than trusting professionals.

Photo Source: @aquarian_dawn

I know that you can find "scientific posts" ((via Google...hehe)) that back up the anti-vaxx stance. I know that this is a heated topic, and people take it personally, because in the end, we all want to be good parents. I want to be clear, I don't think anti-vaxxers are bad parents. I think they want what's best for their kids, and they think they know what's best for their kids. My objection to the stance, is maybe they don't know what's best. Maybe the experts do. And maybe it's okay to defer to experts; it doesn't make intuition flawed, and it doesn't mean parents are naive to trust the experts.

On that note, I find myself feeling way less smug and judgmental when an expert has an opinion that goes against mainstream. For example, if I were to meet a medical doctor ((I have worked alongside them daily for 6 years now, and have yet to find one, but I remain open minded!)) who was anti-vaxx, I would be very interested in hearing their perspective. They have knowledge that I don't. The same argument would apply for a teacher who decides to home school her children. In short, I respect the professionals, and I defer to the experts.

While I am completely aware that this blogpost isn't likely to sway any opinions, or change anybody's mind, I do hope to expand the conversation.

I want the conversation to include what is best for the community, because it DOES matter. If we can't agree on that, I don't think the conversation is worth being had in the first place.

xo,
L

Hobby Lobby, World Vision, The Bible, and Easter.

With the recent news of both Hobby Lobby and World Vision, and Easter around the corner, I have found myself completely obsessed with religious topics as of late. These are two organizations I have personally funded with literally, thousands of dollars in my lifetime, and have absolutely disgusted me with their political games.

Hobby Lobby thinks government mandating health care coverage for oral contraceptives ((for their employees)) is a violation of church and state. Some people believe that preventing an egg from ovulating is essentially the same thing as an abortion. I will throw in for good measure, Viagra is currently covered. So a pill that helps men emit their sperm is okay, but a pill that prevents women from emitting their egg is not. Hmmm...

World Vision decided they would hire Christians in same-sex marriages, but then reversed their decision, because too many Christians withdrew child sponsorship in protest of the decision.

Yes, that's correct, it was worth it to some people to no longer feed hungry children, because the charity stated they would hire married gay people. And that goes against Christian teachings in the Bible.

After all, Leviticus 18:22 clearly states:

"You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination."

It is suspected Moses is the author of the first five books of the Old Testament ((which includes Leviticus)).  Moses. Not God. Not Jesus. Moses. These are referred to as The Pentateuch, or the Torah, or the Book of Law.

I was raised in the church, and currently have my Bible in my lap. That is where I got this information. My Bible. I've studied this book since I was a kid. I'm INTERESTED in what it has to say.

Christians that cling to The Torah ((the first five books of the Bible)) and impose it on this country through money, power, and legislature, are not only abandoning separation of church and state...they are also neglecting the teachings of Jesus Christ.

He NEVER spoke against women or homosexuality. Which is what extreme-Christians in 2014 are fighting against.

I know a lot of really good hearted Christian people. I have to think they must either not read the Bible, or they disregard verses as no longer being "culturally relevant." Leviticus is "outdated." Surely these Christians are not hateful enough, or ignorant enough, to believe that every word in the Bible is the WORD OF GOD and must still be followed in 2014. If they DO believe that, then they must be consistent...

The Bible Bans:

ROUND HAIRCUTS or FACIAL HAIR SHAPING. Leviticus 19:27: "You shall not round off the side-growth of your heads no harm the edges of your beard."

Dammit. You mean THIS guy won't be in Heaven with me one day?! Lookin' good, Brad. Lookin' good.

FOOTBALL. Leviticus 11:8: "You shall not eat of their flesh nor touch their carcasses; they are unclean to you." ((Just to be fair...let me put this "in context." We shouldn't carry rabbit feet on our keychains either, because the verse before states: "The rabbit, though it chews the cud, does not have a split hoof; it is unclean for you. And the pig, though it has a split hoof completely divided, does not chew the cud; it is unclean for you." So no bacon, either, Bible-followers.))

And all the football players that are good Christian men are violating the Good Book, too??? What?!

........My guess is people who want to believe that The Bible should still be followed literally, excuse these verses as "it was different back then." Yes. It was. So why cling to the verses that spew hate toward a group of people, but let go the ones that seem out dated?

Perhaps all of it is outdated.

TATTOOS. Leviticus 19:28: "You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the Lord." I have seen more Bible verses and cross tattoos than any other. The hypocrisy!

"I believe in Philippians 4:13, but not Leviticus 19:28." 

I could keep going. The Bible denounces wearing blended fabrics. Divorce. Wearing gold. Or pearls! Eating shellfish!!!! That includes the beloved California roll, people!!!! Leviticus 11:10: "But whatever is in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales among all the teeming life of the water, and among all the living creatures that are in the water, they are detestable things to you." 

Dammit.

I understand that I am doing the very same thing that irritates me about religious extremists...I am taking Bible verses and using them to make a point, rather than using the entire context.

Here's my complaint...if someone is going to take a Bible verse, and try to manipulate it to get their way, isn't it worse to use the Bible to discriminate against people? At least I am trying to use the Bible to make sure all of God's children are loved, and included. If we can throw out verses as "outdated" or "that was only directed toward the Israelites" then why can't we throw out the hurtful ones that cause WAR? Or that motivate Christians to withdraw funding for hungry kids?? Or ones that tell battered women to stay in their marriage because they are supposed to be submissive, and divorce is banned??

 ^"I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting;  in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control."

-1 Timothy 2:8

((The author of this book was Paul. Written 63-65 AD. Paul wrote this to Timothy in letter form. Paul considered Timothy his good friend, even stating "my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord" (1 Cor. 4:17). I am including all of this information because I think it's important to realize who is saying what... if you're going to make it your religion and the way you live your entire life, you ought to know who is making the rules! I'm sorry, but Paul is not my Savior. Paul's letters to Timothy are definitely interesting from a historical context, and there is rich material in the Pastoral Epistles. But these are not the words of Jesus. These are the words of common men.))

There is no denying that the Bible is loaded with sexism. And if somebody legitimately believes that every word in the Bible is "God's word," than that same person believes that God is sexist. To say that you believe the Bible is the word of God, and not the collective words of men, is to say that you believe God is sexist, racist, and homophobic. If we believe God is sexist, racist, and homophobic, why SHOULDN'T we mirror that image?

I believe Jesus came to CHANGE that image. That is why I don't take anything in the Old Testament seriously. Not to mention, the Old Testament has more in common with Judaism and Islam than Christians want to admit!!! It's as though Christians forgot why Christ came.

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"God"

Many people read the Bible, thinking that God wrote it. Like God is an old man in the clouds, and He personally wrote this book. That is not an opinion. That is choosing to disregard facts. Facts that even the Bible has, if they read it! Here is what I know is true (or at least, what my Bible says):

MOSES is the assumed author of most of the first five books of the Old Testament.

"Moses"

Conservative estimates believe these books were written either the 15th or 13th century B.C... or roughly, 3500 years ago.  As a planet, we have only been recording history for about 5000 years. But the planet has been in existence for 4.6 BILLION YEARS.

Why are we more trusting of men that heard the voice of God thousands of years ago? I know the answer of most Christians is "faith." I think these people are truly afraid of God, so they cling to their old-school thinking "just in case" those passages ARE the word of God...so they don't burn in hell for eternity.

Ezekial, Paul, Moses...they are not my Gods. They are just men who say they knew God, and wrote it down in some form, and that was translated multiple times, and many pieces were omitted when the Church created the first "Bible."And that book has a lot of good in it. But when it's manipulated by a group of people to hold on to power, it's doing more harm than good. When we read the Bible, if we claim to hear God ((ie: "God spoke to me in this passage" or "I really heard the Word of God while reading this...")), I hope it is a message of love.

Today, if a man prays to God, he is faithful. If he HEARS God, he is schizophrenic.

"Stillness is the language God speaks; everything else is a bad translation." 

-Eckhart Tolle

When you think about how old the world is ((4.6 BILLION YEARS?!!?)), it's not ridiculous to think about Greek and Roman mythology as being relatively recent! And a Christian would laugh if you were to ask him/her if they believe in Zeus? Or Aphrodite?

"Zeus"

When I think about God, Jesus, religion, spirituality...I have to look within, rather than outside. And I believe that there is something greater than me, pulsing through my veins, in my heart, and eternal. Something nameless, even. To call it "God" limits it, whatever "it" is. And I think that all people of all religions could come to that common denominator, if they were willing to have the conversation.

But most people who are fundamental in their religions are afraid to ask questions. I think they are afraid because it insinuates doubt, and just in case God and Jesus and Heaven and Hell are real, they had better be on God's good side.

Based on some of the Bible verses I've read, I understand wanting to stay on God's good side. Based on the Old Testament, if you upset God, He killed you. In truly horrific ways. Noah's Ark isn't a cute child's nursery theme ((like I once believed!)). 

God was mad at the world, and according to Genesis 7:4, "For after seven more days I will cause it to rain on the earth forty days and forty nights, and I will destroy from the face of the earth all living things that I have made." This includes puppies, kittens, and babies.

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For years, Easter was my favorite holiday.

I used to believe the resurrection of Christ was more important than the birth of Christ. I thought that anybody could be born, but overcoming death was what made Him the Savior.

Now? I don't know. And that's not easy for me to type out, or put out into the world. I wouldn't consider myself among the outspoken atheists like Bill Maher, who ridicule people believing in a certain religion...I still revere the sanctity of religion and respect the majority of people who practice a ((still somewhat sane)) religion. But to say that at this point in my life ((or if I get real, the past 5-8 years of my life)) I believe that a man was buried in a tomb and rose from the dead would be a lie. I don't claim to believe that like I once did, but I also don't say that I know it didn't happen. I just don't know.

And I think the words "I don't know" are far more powerful than "I know" on either end of the religious debate, because in reality, nobody knows what happens when we die.

I do know that my morality is not hinged on His resurrection. Nor do my values depend on if He was born to a Virgin. It doesn't matter to me; Jesus lead a life that was noble, progressive, inspiring, and filled with love, and he was persecuted for it. The time is NOW for churches to shift the focus from The Bible ((written by men other than "the Savior" of the religion)) to the life of Jesus Christ.

This Easter, I will still celebrate the metaphorical resurrection of Jesus Christ. I will celebrate the new season of Spring! And all of the rebirth around me. I will watch the rain pour down on days like today, and thank God that he is nurturing the planet ((and not flooding it)). Spring! New life! I feel reenergized just typing that! My hope is that "believers" who have created quite the controversy as of late, can feel the renewal, too. In a new way, perhaps. In a more loving, accepting way. In the way Jesus actually lived his life. Maybe this spring, they can open their eyes to loving mankind. Accepting all people...men and women. Straight and gay.

The God that I believe in gave me a brain with free will, and an incessantly curious nature. I just have these questions within. I don't go looking for them, I don't want to stir the pot, I just have it in me. And I believe that the Greater Power wants me to explore, and see what I find, and I just can't envision a God punishing me for that.

I sincerely hope this hasn't offended anybody, and that it spoke to somebody. If even one person has felt a veil lifted, I'll be happy. If even one person sees the world today the way Jesus Christ did, I will feel used by a Greater Good for something that I otherwise couldn't have done by myself.

xo,
L